I'm angry! People are saying that mentally ill people are psychics who cannot swim

For a while I have wondered what the difference between psychic and psychosis is. I took this debate to a psychic forum and some seemed to think that the mentally ill were weak psychics so torn apart by their powers that the negative part took over or that they were simply too weak to handle their powers. After my time in the mental hospital I did think that I had become psychic and couldn't handle it, but I was ill. After I few posts I came up with as follows:

(I know that my post on the forum was not well explained and could also make people mad. I think that the general idea shows through.)

"Sorry to post again so soon, but over cooking dinner an idea popped into my head. Psychics respond to the powers outside the brain while the mentally ill respond to the powers inside the brain.

The brain is a powerful thing and obviously uses many voices (nice and/or seemingly evil). So while the mentally ill are responding to a power, they cannot reflect on anything outside of themselves. Yes, in this state the brain can analyze things outside of itself (words, sound, and sight) in wonderfully creative ways, but the process is extremely internal. You are, in a sense, debating with yourself. (I hope I am not debating in a way only I can understand.)

In many cases those in mania become extremely spiritual and think they are contacting the metaphysical/divine world, but in their state they are still contacting something within themselves.

As you know this is nothing like psychic power."

I thought that this was an insightful comment so I tried to look up 'psychic vs psychosis,' to see if anyone else had said the same. I found a site that said mystics could swim in their powers and mentally ill could not. (Upon reading this site I find it very interesting, but my brain was in no mood to understand it without lots of effort. I do not know if it is how the arguments are written or if it is a problem with myself.)

ANOTHER SITE POSTED: (Link taken down as it is now a reported attack site. Sorry if it caused you any problems.)

"With this in mind, one might ask, "What is the difference between being mentally ill and prophetic?" My own psychiatrist once gave me the answer:

People who hear voices and see things that aren't there can be classified into two groups. The first group are people who cannot cope with these voices and are called mentally ill. The second group are people who can cope with the voices and are called psychic. It is my personal belief that being psychic and being psychotic are the same thing depending upon how you cope with it. Society in general regards people who talk to God as holy. But society in general regards people whom God talks to as insane."

YOU HAVE A STUPID PSYCHIATRIST! OH I HAVE WORDS TO SAY TO THIS, BUT I AM TOO MUCH OF A LADY!

Math problems and Bipolar disorder

More cats
Originally uploaded by RedTea

Despite the new freedom of my brain it seems like something has been lost. My brother was playing a mind game that I used to be really good at, and for a long time I couldn’t figure out how it worked. I have Rubics magic and I cannot even begin to picture it. I take two parts and try to keep in mind where they are as I fold and fold and I cannot figure it out. Beyond that I had problems with Stats (even if determination saw me through it) which isn’t anything big considering it was a college course, but it seems as if the math side of the brain (left I think) took a big hit. I know that disuse could account for much of it, but the loss is a little more extreme then is convenient.

There I looked it up.
The search was “Bipolar math.”

First hit was “Mental disorder may spur math problems in teens - Bipolar Math Subtractions - bipolar disorders” at Bnet. There appear to be other hits that cover the topic, but here is a quote from the article:

“The onset of math troubles long before exposure to psychoactive medication underscores Kutcher's suspicion that brain changes associated with bipolar illness disturb math reasoning.”

There are a few more studies in the article as well. Please read it so I don’t have to summarize.

This proves that my suspicions are not just in my mind even if the whole problem is in my brain. It is a good thing I didn’t become an engineer, accountant, or any other such math related field. But the quote raises the question, ‘did the changes in my brain make anything else better?’ Perhaps I have to compensate for this loss of math reasoning, and come up with new ways of reasoning. Like when I needed to write to fight my way through the dullness caused by medication, but now my brain is freer (less medication).

It does however make me sad. I was good at math. I was both brained (used the left and right side of my brain). I took a test in middle school that told me that. Now when faced to problems in the math related department I feel stupid.

(Added much later on: My brother says that High School math is hardly a good judge of math ability. Do you agree with him?)

Grapes may decide the fate of us all.

I have discovered another secret to why I was drawn to Grape Juice! Red Grapes help with sleep! I was drinking it in the evening when it would be most effective. My body/mind knows where to look for help with depression. Lack of good sleep leads to depression. Depression leads to lack of good sleep.

As a note for people with high blood sugar, or diabetes: Juice might be too much sugar at once but in the fruit form you can get the same benefits as Grape Juice! And make a meal out of it.

Wait, do not drink that Grape Juice right before bed! It has sugars which equal energy. To find more about Grape Juice and to figure out the use of White Grape Juice go to this site: Health-and-health.com. Where it says this among other things.

“The most obvious way grape juice helps fatigue is by adding iron to your diet. Iron deficiency is common, especially in women. It can cause severe fatigue and leave you feeling completely burnt out. Don’t drink dark grape juices if you are anemic (low on iron). Dark grape juices contain chemicals that can actually lower the level of iron in your system, worsening the problem. Stick to white or light grape juice for the best iron boost. If you're feeling extra tired after a workout, you probably need to replenish iron lost from sweating. Drinking grape juice will not only give you more energy, but also help with muscle fatigue as well.” – So nice of Health-and-Health.com to share with us!... it was on their site.


I’ve got to keep my eyes out for these things like Zones 24c with all its depression fighting vitamins, and there is more. There is go much more out there that we (if you suffer from a mood disorder or sleeping disorder) can record. Record for others. We are like the canary in the mine. We are so much more sensitive because we suffer so much more.

Maybe that is the reason humanity developed mood disorders, to be the White Witch who can cure with Grapes, Fish Oil, Folic Acid and the Vitamins B’s. We can say, this here helps me somehow sleep better, or this makes me feel better these things must be good.

I’m still trying to figure out why humanity developed mental disorders.

I thought, “I hear birds.” then I realize that the headphones I had placed on a low volume right next to me for background music had gotten to the bird songs. So no I wasn’t suddenly transported to a place were birds would bother to live.

I messed up my nail polish yesterday. I am so yawn’y. All this and I need to edit like crazy! My thr…oh #$*& I need caffeine. I better get it before 12.

Yum, coffee is so good. What I need is some instant coffee (you can use real coffee, but this is quicker) a little vanilla and milk, and sugars… a lot of sugar. With this you can make a Starbucks Frappuccino. It is easier to add just a little vanilla Ice Cream to the milk instead of the vanilla flavoring and sugar. Once you get the mixture right you can bottle it up, place it in the fridge, and then bring it to work/school.

Okay. Almost break time. Don’t worry; this isn’t the only thing I’ve done today. All I need to do is find the well power now that I am all burned out. I am almost there. I need to tell myself that. Soon I will have new reasons to get up in the morning. Soon I can go back to all the things that I swore I couldn’t do while in college. Soon I will be leaving people I’ve known for four years.

My fingernails are pink. I needed to make them stronger and there were only two colors bright red or light pink.

Okay. I had a long break time. I had to pick something up from a store that couldn’t wait, so I picked up some stuff. I forgot to bring my Milk on the Bus. It is setting at the cold bus stop…was, but someone picked it up almost as soon as I forgot it. I think I saw them. I was too shy to ask the bus driver let me go and get it. I slowly came to the realization that I was on the wrong bus. SO, I ended up downtown with a three-pound bag of grapes and almost all my groceries. Luckily I knew exact what bus to get on.

I came to my apartment. Stuffed my face on yogurt and grapes fighting with myself. Telling myself:

“Do not just give up and go to sleep. No do not lie down on the sofa. Remember last time? You tell yourself that it is just for a few seconds and then your sister is waking you up telling she needs to use the room. Did that get you out of your sleeping slumber? No, you shuffled up to your bed and went back to darkness. When you woke up you thought you had slept through all your classes the next day."

So laying down on the sofa today. Having pulled off my hat and glasses, I know I needed to form new connections in my brain. So I ate grapes to wake up. (The action of eating wakes up my mind.) If I can just train myself to get hungry instead of sleepy I think it would be a good trade…hungry for grapes. (P.S. I looked up grapes and sleep after eating over a pound of grapes. I just thought it would be better at the top.)

The struggle to stay awake did not end with getting off the sofa. It just transported to my room. My bed above me… I cannot let the sleep connection form in my brain. Grapes mean awake. Writing means awake. White grapes is what I grew up with, purple grape juice and California Raisins. I heard it from the grape vine.

Yes, I have high sugar. Mmmmm…I want honey. I might have gotten all good foods, but now I want to eat it all because it is so good. Yes, I picked up honey, Honey. Picture honey spread over toasted whole grain bread. Honey mixed into oatmeal.

It is so much fun eating grapes!

Fish oil fights back!

I forgot that Fish Oil helps with cholesterol, but with the large amounts of Fish Oil that people with Bipolar disorder seem to take the little bit of cholesterol inside the Fish Oil can be a big problem.

The makers of these studies were not thinking about people with Bipolar disorder and it is high time someone did more studies on these natural ways of helping with the disorder that people have been using for centuries. I'm sorry to give you a bad lead. It’s just that I noticed a cholesterol increase when I increased my Fish Oil, and I thought that there was something behind it.

It is possible that there is a limit to how much Fish Oil can help you, and after a point it just adds to your cholesterol. Don’t ask me. I’m not a Doctor. I, however, am going to continue to take both Flaxseed Oil and Fish Oil, but at the highest recommended dose on the bottle and no more. I think that there are implications that are beyond the understanding of a pDoc. pDoc’s are studied in the brain much more then the body, and if they give the O.K. for someone to go beyond the recommended dose do they stop to ask why the recommendation was there to begin with?

I think, however, that having both Flaxseed, and Fish Oil will be better for me overall. The body needs variety.

Does Flaxseed Oil win?

The debate between Fish Oil and Flaxseed Oil has been a topic I have been thinking about even since I heard had Fish Oil high cholesterol, and realized that even that little bit of cholesterol in Fish Oil can make a difference when you are taking a lot of it.

So far I have had no news on the fight between Flaxseed Oil and Fish Oil so I will right now do a quick google search.

Ok, for a long time I have known that EPA (eicosopentaenoic acid) the ingredient in Fish Oil that works on the brain in helping with depression and Bipolar disorder. That is what all the studies I have read repeat.

I was upset that when I looked at the back of Flaxseed Oil that it did not have EPA as one of the ingredients, but I wondered if the others ingredient in it could also help the brain. Apparently Flaxseed Oil’s main ingredient ALA (Alpha-linolenic acid) is metabolized into EPA, so your body can do the work for you. Flaxseed Oil doesn’t have the cholesterol, and has lower calories, so spread the word. Flaxseed Oil should have a study done on it as well, but based on what is being reported it should do the job, and maybe even do it better.

If you read and want me to continue writing any of these stories I have written just contact me.

Fish oil vs Flexseed oil?

Today (even if I called it a good day, which by all counts it should be) I am sad and tired. This horrible feeling has settled on me, and I have decided that it is time for me to start taking Fish Oil again. I stopped because it had cholesterol in it. I am thinking of taking Flaxseed Oil instead, but first I must call my pDoc to see if it will be as effective as Fish Oil. I will report back on this when I get an answer.

I want to go out and get the Flaxseed Oil now, because something tells me that it will make me feel better. Flaxseed Oil is more expensive then Fish Oil, but if that is the cost of having High cholesterol in the family then I am willing to pay it. Fish Oil by itself is already expensive.

Oh, in case you don’t know, Fish Oil has been shown in many studies to be beneficial to people with Bipolar disorder. It helps prevent relapses.

U of M Depression Center

Every two weeks I visit Ann Arbor, where I go to school (its summertime so I am at home). Anyways, every two weeks I go to a Bipolar Support Group. I will not discuss things talked about in the group as I sign a confidentiality agreement, but if you are depressed, or bipolar you might want to look into the University of Michigan Depression Center.

These are the people fighting the fight. They are doing the research, providing top of the line therapy. I hope you have an insurance that can cover it, because if you do, and you live in the area, or are visiting check it out.

I personally have Blue Care Network, which has recently brought out mCare so I am crossing my fingers and hoping.

The therapy at the Depression Center is supposed to be very hands on, where you really work with the therapist in your treatment. It is a nice building, and the people there are nice and seem happy.

Advice for people with Bipolar disorder from a person with Bipolar disorder

The important three things to look into in order to recover are Therapy (Individual, family, or group. I would look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for dealing with depression), Medication (This can take time, but it is essential.), and Education (like learning the indicators of a manic episode (like racing thoughts) and ways to break the cycle of depression (back to Cognitive Therapy look into The Feeling Good Handbook.))

Sometimes I wonder how miserable I would have been if it were not around. It has given me a choice that in the past people didn’t have. The choice to actively fight there disorder and overcome it.

In the past before medication it was too overpowering for an individual to overcome. Now there is help on all sides, as long as you can find a way around the system with money or agility to get the medications you need.

Today with how many medications are out there, and better ones be researched, it is only a matter of time until you feel so normal you think you don’t even need the medication anymore. When this wonderful day comes for you do not be fooled; it is your medication that is making you feel normal again.

Another important factor is (if you use them) giving up those other little drugs that interfere with your medication: weed, alcohol, and possibly (not sure on this one) smoking. I hate to lecture or anything like that, but the main thing that might be preventing your wellbeing is self-medicating.

If you can find balance in your life by taking care of yourself physically you will discover that exercise is a natural and healthy way to elevate you mood without sending you overboard.

If you are feeling a little hypomania than take a break from exercises like running, and tone it down to calm walking or yoga. Learn to meditate, and calm yourself. It is a lot easier then it seems at first once you discover your own personal niche.

Look up additional steps you can take to balance your life. Have you heard of fish oil? Ask your pDoc (psychiatrist) about it? Also look into how much you should take, because each little tablet adds a little bit of cholesterol to your system. You might want to cut down on cholesterol elsewhere to make up for this.

That is my advice; I hope I didn’t annoy you too much.

I have instead of I am

It is important to say I have Bipolar disorder instead of I am Bipolar. That way shows that you are not a sickness you are a person with a sickness, but for many where the medication is not working right the illness takes away their thoughts, and energy so much that it almost seems as if it has taken their very being.

It is so hard to live and be medicated and there are so many people who have it worse than I have it. I am sick in the brain, my very thoughts, it is a part of who I am, I cannot tell where the illness stops and the imagination begins. I am unlucky in this way.

It is about the same way with my psychic energy, a lot of people would point to my illness as the reason that I think I have it. I, however, point to the events that I knew were coming, and the emails from my Tarot readings. (Which I would never share without permission.) Is a person a psychic or do they have psychic energy? Is it a part of their being?

Dear Sir or Madam,

bird
Originally uploaded by RedTea.

I would like to thank you for reading this post. I have no idea how you came across this blog, but I invite you to seat down and share a cup of Red Tea.

What can I say. First off I need to explain that I will add a lot of posts when I first start a blog to keep it from looking too empty.

I feel really bad right now. It is finals week, and I am not as busy as everyone else. It just turns out that this semester all the major work was due last week, or a week from now. So that leaves me with this week. I have one more assignment due, and I will get a review on what I have done tomorrow, so couldn’t possibly think of anything to do without getting more feedback. So that leaves me to watch all the other college students suffer without any sleep for the last three days.

I have to explain something. As a person who happens to be Bipolar it is essential for me to get a good amount of sleep every night. If I do not enter the world unbound by reality in sleep it creeps into by wakeful day. This is something I dislike very much.