Grapes may decide the fate of us all.

I have discovered another secret to why I was drawn to Grape Juice! Red Grapes help with sleep! I was drinking it in the evening when it would be most effective. My body/mind knows where to look for help with depression. Lack of good sleep leads to depression. Depression leads to lack of good sleep.

As a note for people with high blood sugar, or diabetes: Juice might be too much sugar at once but in the fruit form you can get the same benefits as Grape Juice! And make a meal out of it.

Wait, do not drink that Grape Juice right before bed! It has sugars which equal energy. To find more about Grape Juice and to figure out the use of White Grape Juice go to this site: Health-and-health.com. Where it says this among other things.

“The most obvious way grape juice helps fatigue is by adding iron to your diet. Iron deficiency is common, especially in women. It can cause severe fatigue and leave you feeling completely burnt out. Don’t drink dark grape juices if you are anemic (low on iron). Dark grape juices contain chemicals that can actually lower the level of iron in your system, worsening the problem. Stick to white or light grape juice for the best iron boost. If you're feeling extra tired after a workout, you probably need to replenish iron lost from sweating. Drinking grape juice will not only give you more energy, but also help with muscle fatigue as well.” – So nice of Health-and-Health.com to share with us!... it was on their site.


I’ve got to keep my eyes out for these things like Zones 24c with all its depression fighting vitamins, and there is more. There is go much more out there that we (if you suffer from a mood disorder or sleeping disorder) can record. Record for others. We are like the canary in the mine. We are so much more sensitive because we suffer so much more.

Maybe that is the reason humanity developed mood disorders, to be the White Witch who can cure with Grapes, Fish Oil, Folic Acid and the Vitamins B’s. We can say, this here helps me somehow sleep better, or this makes me feel better these things must be good.

I’m still trying to figure out why humanity developed mental disorders.

I thought, “I hear birds.” then I realize that the headphones I had placed on a low volume right next to me for background music had gotten to the bird songs. So no I wasn’t suddenly transported to a place were birds would bother to live.

I messed up my nail polish yesterday. I am so yawn’y. All this and I need to edit like crazy! My thr…oh #$*& I need caffeine. I better get it before 12.

Yum, coffee is so good. What I need is some instant coffee (you can use real coffee, but this is quicker) a little vanilla and milk, and sugars… a lot of sugar. With this you can make a Starbucks Frappuccino. It is easier to add just a little vanilla Ice Cream to the milk instead of the vanilla flavoring and sugar. Once you get the mixture right you can bottle it up, place it in the fridge, and then bring it to work/school.

Okay. Almost break time. Don’t worry; this isn’t the only thing I’ve done today. All I need to do is find the well power now that I am all burned out. I am almost there. I need to tell myself that. Soon I will have new reasons to get up in the morning. Soon I can go back to all the things that I swore I couldn’t do while in college. Soon I will be leaving people I’ve known for four years.

My fingernails are pink. I needed to make them stronger and there were only two colors bright red or light pink.

Okay. I had a long break time. I had to pick something up from a store that couldn’t wait, so I picked up some stuff. I forgot to bring my Milk on the Bus. It is setting at the cold bus stop…was, but someone picked it up almost as soon as I forgot it. I think I saw them. I was too shy to ask the bus driver let me go and get it. I slowly came to the realization that I was on the wrong bus. SO, I ended up downtown with a three-pound bag of grapes and almost all my groceries. Luckily I knew exact what bus to get on.

I came to my apartment. Stuffed my face on yogurt and grapes fighting with myself. Telling myself:

“Do not just give up and go to sleep. No do not lie down on the sofa. Remember last time? You tell yourself that it is just for a few seconds and then your sister is waking you up telling she needs to use the room. Did that get you out of your sleeping slumber? No, you shuffled up to your bed and went back to darkness. When you woke up you thought you had slept through all your classes the next day."

So laying down on the sofa today. Having pulled off my hat and glasses, I know I needed to form new connections in my brain. So I ate grapes to wake up. (The action of eating wakes up my mind.) If I can just train myself to get hungry instead of sleepy I think it would be a good trade…hungry for grapes. (P.S. I looked up grapes and sleep after eating over a pound of grapes. I just thought it would be better at the top.)

The struggle to stay awake did not end with getting off the sofa. It just transported to my room. My bed above me… I cannot let the sleep connection form in my brain. Grapes mean awake. Writing means awake. White grapes is what I grew up with, purple grape juice and California Raisins. I heard it from the grape vine.

Yes, I have high sugar. Mmmmm…I want honey. I might have gotten all good foods, but now I want to eat it all because it is so good. Yes, I picked up honey, Honey. Picture honey spread over toasted whole grain bread. Honey mixed into oatmeal.

It is so much fun eating grapes!

Baby steps

I did exercise. For once I didn’t focus on how many calories I was burning, but instead I focused on if I liked the pace I was moving at. My wonderful headphones are currently in a shape that would not work while moving (i.e. broken apart), and I didn’t want them to get all sweaty anyways. So I picked up a pair in put it on, it was wet with someone else’s sweat. Luckily I was alone in the room and could just turn the volume on the TV up. Someone came in, and I realized that it was polite to ask her if she wanted the sound on the TV. “No.” She had bloody headphones on.

So in the end I could only focus on my pace, breathing, heart, and mind. My mind was as follows: I want to tire myself out so I have energy in the day, but it fades at night; This is getting boring how much longer do I have to do this? and I always start out the first day working out with endless energy that I can not match on the other days; finally, after my feet and legs stop hurting (as they do when I walk into school every morning) I can go on and on for a long time.

Yes, pain in my feet and the bottoms of my legs have always been the main problem I face when exercising. I think that it has gotten worse due to my medications. Either way I walk slowly, because if I walk at the pace everyone else does my feet do not like me.

I began to research into my theory of Lamictal slowing the blood flow to my hands and feet, but I did not remember how I found that site, and wandered hopelessly through the web trying to find it. Is it the medication that is making it worse or am I just getting old? Maybe I do have a weak ankle. (Insiders joke)

I just spent who knows how long trying to figure out if Lamictal could suddenly start impacting my sleep after months and months of use, but it is more likely the anti-depressant. Either that or when I ran out of a certain medication, and not having been told, “Do not stop taking this medication when it runs out.” I thought it was a temporary thing. I was then told that it could make matters worse if you suddenly stop. So maybe it massed up my brain, so that I now have a sleep disorder.

Either way. I want to say goodbye to the anti-depressant. I also spent some time researching to see if Grape Juice fights depression. No studies. So I sent Welch’s the question, and added in a question about the sugars in their juice. Because somehow I think that the sugars in Grape Juice are different from others, why? I really don’t know. To me Grape Juice is this magical thing that makes something that I cannot have (i.e. wine). Let others waste their money on old grapes while I have the fresh and now.

On a side note, it would be hard to live in a place like France where wine is such a big part of the culture and be on a medication that says no alcohol. That is why I think there should be more Gourmet Grape Juice (with no sparkles/bubbles) because it isn’t just wasting something that could be quality wine. It is including those who need to take a step away from alcohol for medical or personal reasons.

I am not inventing Gourmet Grape Juice. In order to work (so everyday people will pick it up for a party) it would need some real work. Welsh’s rules the Grape Juice world, but they have only two kinds (blending with different fruits doesn’t count) red and white. If one goes to the wine section and they will see just how many other Grape Juices there could be.

If I were not a poor college student I would not just let the future roll over me. If you do not see the potential of Grape Juice, and Fair trade items you do not see a world you have a say in.

When I say poor you do not quite understand. I am poor in that I will be bound by the need for insurance. I cannot go out and be a freelance artist. I cannot go out and start my own business… (Not that I could anyway). Keeping a job with insurance will rule my life. I am tired. I get ready to go to bed now. Good night.

Hello today,

It looks cold outside. I was able to get up at eight in the morning, but consider how long I slept yesterday, and all the time I spent trying to sleep so that I could get up early in the day. Looking at the snow outside I have decided to change to a much warmer plan for the day then waiting around for a late buses. I am going to pull my hair back (if I remembered where I put my hair ties) and exercise. This will hopefully wake me up, so that I can spend the day reading or writing. Oh, boy!

I started the day with three things that should cheer me up. On finding that my milk had turned sour and ruined my oatmeal, I made up some Deluxe Kraft Mac and Cheese that does not require butter or milk. I also managed to make one outstanding cup of Matcha (special tea) and had a small cup of grape juice. It was like this: one sip of tea and the good feeling that comes with it, and then a sip of grape juice and whatever good feeling comes from that.

Really grape juice makes me feel wonderful. It might be a result of people growing grapes for such a long time. Our bodies might have developed a special way love of it. At times I’ve wondered if it should be studied for mental benefits on brain disorders (like fish oil). When I was chugging down grape juice I was a whole lot happier.

Sadly my chugging of juice was (in my opinion) the main reason I had high blood sugar. I’ve wondered if the sugar was inhibiting (by taking up so much space) other chemicals and medications in my brain, but more likely my mind was subconsciencely looking for things that made it feel better and it found something in grape juice.

My craving for grape juice disappeared when an antidepressant was added to my menu. Instead I found tea, chocolate, and caffeine.

Staying in today will save me money. Exercise should save me money in the long run.

Yesterday, with the few hours I was up, I started a contest with my sister to see who could keep a healthy sleep schedule the longest. (Hence me going back to bed so early.) She told me that I should aim for 10 hours of sleep every night.

I made an appointment to see my pDoc, but she is busy until March 17. I guess that gives me time to see if I can get my act together. Here comes Act I.