Grapes may decide the fate of us all.

I have discovered another secret to why I was drawn to Grape Juice! Red Grapes help with sleep! I was drinking it in the evening when it would be most effective. My body/mind knows where to look for help with depression. Lack of good sleep leads to depression. Depression leads to lack of good sleep.

As a note for people with high blood sugar, or diabetes: Juice might be too much sugar at once but in the fruit form you can get the same benefits as Grape Juice! And make a meal out of it.

Wait, do not drink that Grape Juice right before bed! It has sugars which equal energy. To find more about Grape Juice and to figure out the use of White Grape Juice go to this site: Health-and-health.com. Where it says this among other things.

“The most obvious way grape juice helps fatigue is by adding iron to your diet. Iron deficiency is common, especially in women. It can cause severe fatigue and leave you feeling completely burnt out. Don’t drink dark grape juices if you are anemic (low on iron). Dark grape juices contain chemicals that can actually lower the level of iron in your system, worsening the problem. Stick to white or light grape juice for the best iron boost. If you're feeling extra tired after a workout, you probably need to replenish iron lost from sweating. Drinking grape juice will not only give you more energy, but also help with muscle fatigue as well.” – So nice of Health-and-Health.com to share with us!... it was on their site.


I’ve got to keep my eyes out for these things like Zones 24c with all its depression fighting vitamins, and there is more. There is go much more out there that we (if you suffer from a mood disorder or sleeping disorder) can record. Record for others. We are like the canary in the mine. We are so much more sensitive because we suffer so much more.

Maybe that is the reason humanity developed mood disorders, to be the White Witch who can cure with Grapes, Fish Oil, Folic Acid and the Vitamins B’s. We can say, this here helps me somehow sleep better, or this makes me feel better these things must be good.

I’m still trying to figure out why humanity developed mental disorders.

I thought, “I hear birds.” then I realize that the headphones I had placed on a low volume right next to me for background music had gotten to the bird songs. So no I wasn’t suddenly transported to a place were birds would bother to live.

I messed up my nail polish yesterday. I am so yawn’y. All this and I need to edit like crazy! My thr…oh #$*& I need caffeine. I better get it before 12.

Yum, coffee is so good. What I need is some instant coffee (you can use real coffee, but this is quicker) a little vanilla and milk, and sugars… a lot of sugar. With this you can make a Starbucks Frappuccino. It is easier to add just a little vanilla Ice Cream to the milk instead of the vanilla flavoring and sugar. Once you get the mixture right you can bottle it up, place it in the fridge, and then bring it to work/school.

Okay. Almost break time. Don’t worry; this isn’t the only thing I’ve done today. All I need to do is find the well power now that I am all burned out. I am almost there. I need to tell myself that. Soon I will have new reasons to get up in the morning. Soon I can go back to all the things that I swore I couldn’t do while in college. Soon I will be leaving people I’ve known for four years.

My fingernails are pink. I needed to make them stronger and there were only two colors bright red or light pink.

Okay. I had a long break time. I had to pick something up from a store that couldn’t wait, so I picked up some stuff. I forgot to bring my Milk on the Bus. It is setting at the cold bus stop…was, but someone picked it up almost as soon as I forgot it. I think I saw them. I was too shy to ask the bus driver let me go and get it. I slowly came to the realization that I was on the wrong bus. SO, I ended up downtown with a three-pound bag of grapes and almost all my groceries. Luckily I knew exact what bus to get on.

I came to my apartment. Stuffed my face on yogurt and grapes fighting with myself. Telling myself:

“Do not just give up and go to sleep. No do not lie down on the sofa. Remember last time? You tell yourself that it is just for a few seconds and then your sister is waking you up telling she needs to use the room. Did that get you out of your sleeping slumber? No, you shuffled up to your bed and went back to darkness. When you woke up you thought you had slept through all your classes the next day."

So laying down on the sofa today. Having pulled off my hat and glasses, I know I needed to form new connections in my brain. So I ate grapes to wake up. (The action of eating wakes up my mind.) If I can just train myself to get hungry instead of sleepy I think it would be a good trade…hungry for grapes. (P.S. I looked up grapes and sleep after eating over a pound of grapes. I just thought it would be better at the top.)

The struggle to stay awake did not end with getting off the sofa. It just transported to my room. My bed above me… I cannot let the sleep connection form in my brain. Grapes mean awake. Writing means awake. White grapes is what I grew up with, purple grape juice and California Raisins. I heard it from the grape vine.

Yes, I have high sugar. Mmmmm…I want honey. I might have gotten all good foods, but now I want to eat it all because it is so good. Yes, I picked up honey, Honey. Picture honey spread over toasted whole grain bread. Honey mixed into oatmeal.

It is so much fun eating grapes!

Vitamins

"Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) - this vitamin is being preliminarily examined for beneficial effects in manic-depressive patients. Vitamin C helps to clear Vanadium from the body, a trace mineral that is sometimes abnormally high in bipolar patients. The research studies on this topic (see below) also showed that patient symptoms improved with a reduced-Vanadium diet. The Yale-New Haven Health Complementary Medicine website recommends that: "until more is known, people with bipolar illness should avoid supplements containing vanadium and consider supplementing with vitamin C."

Vitamin B Complex - some studies have indicated that deficiencies in Vitamins B1 (thiamin), B2, B6, and B12 can contribute to depression. There has also been preliminary evidence to show that supplements of B-vitamin complexes (in general, these B vitamins are taken together) improves symptoms in depressed subjects."

-Bipolar Focus

What what a beautiful Sunday morning

I must write. I feel calm, too calm. I am awake, but my brain still feels like it is sleeping. After sleeping much, as I have been in the habit of doing for a long time, I could not summon the motivation to get out of bed for over three hours. I was at peace and comfortable and the worries of the world seemed far away. I was aware that I should be working on course work, but even as I write part of me feels like it is still sleeping. This part wants to get in bed and fall back to sleep.

I feel as hopeless as ever, but I have given up on caring. The shame of my roommate knowing how much I can sleep is gone. Even courses are slowly drafting to the back of my head. Intro to the Prophet started out interesting when I was reading about the Sacred History, but now it is about how historians uncover things. I am reading the history of historians looking at the Prophet. God help me, I wanted to learn about another culture. I ask God to help me on a lot of things.

Now I am wishing that I had changed over to Essay Writing, even if the course name sounds boring. I’m tired in so many ways. I feel worn out, or as Bilbo says in the movie, The Lord of the Rings, “I feel like butter stretched over too much bread.” I remember that through the movie, even if I did read the books long ago. Sleeping so much makes it so I have to spend a greater partition of my time on college. My sister told me that my sleeping all the time makes the whole atmosphere of the apartment depressing. My other roommate is asking her what is wrong with me. I wish I knew.

What I do know is the increase in a certain calming medication to counteract decreasing an antidepressant has gone haywire. Depressed? Look at my life, look at how I sleep until my joints are sore, all those hours I am losing, and it is only getting worse. I have no fight still in me. I screamed and sang while I was manic afraid I was in hell. Now I do not care if I am in hell. I just want to cry. What am I supposed to do? So I ask God help me, but I have asked this before. Last weekend I spent two days in bed only getting up to eat. I’m not supposed to be able to sleep that long. I used to sleep eight hours, that’s average.

I took a break from writing and reading (boring reading), and now I am back. I don’t want life to be like this (ie sleeping all the time). I feel trapped and I visualize throwing myself against the bars of my cage, but I still find myself unable take the step of getting out of bed. I drift back to sleep, and my sister opens the door and asks, “Have you gotten up today.” Lets see I slept about 19 hours! It is true that unlike other medications, I wasn’t asleep the whole time, but shet betch. Yeah I said it. (Liam on youTube is fucking rad.)

I ran cross Liam on youTube because his Muffin video, but that didn’t impress me, it was only after a Zombie response was posted that I discovered Kelly. OMG betch. Just look it up on youTube, “Kelly Shoes,” if you have no idea what I am talking about. If you have no idea, then what have you been doing. I have the excuse of a disability, and college taking me out of the world of the living. I so cannot do school work right now.

Here are some jokes, and only one, I think, that anyone will find offensive. I had a longer list, but my Mom started to cry when she read it and asked me, after a long sermon, to take it down. I was supposed to find people who were compatible with me… Anyway here are the remaining jokes.

I would like to state that I am clear of mind, and heart and soul and there is no toilet paper on my shoe. In this way, I imagine I am like Jesus. Let us pray as Jesus prays, hold hands with the people next to you and I will lead you in prayer. Jesus doesn’t do house shows without $700 wine. Didn’t know where all that church money was going did you Bre? I know you heard about the whole water to wine thing, but that was before the middle ages people couldn’t tell the difference between wine and Kool-aid.

I have to confess my greatest weakness to y’all. I am addicted. I am addicted to (hand over face whisper) water. I cannot help myself. It finds its way into foods, like fruit, and the juicy part of meat. It is in drinks like tea. I’ve tried to stop, but there are drinking fountains everywhere, and three faucets in my apartment, and even if I paid to get them taken out there would still be that bathtub and toilet. Fish. Fish are also addicted to water to them it is like air to us and air is their water. Fish have no toilet paper on their shoes, and no shoes on their non-feet. I have never seen a single fish wear clothes in the shower. (would understand the shower thing more if a joke wasn’t removed) I am like a fish, and a fish is like me.

When I was younger I used to be addicted to online gaming. I was a Neo-millionaire, and I remember these long winter nights when my parents were out of town staying up to get the items from the Neo-shops while everyone was sleeping. I invested in the Neo-stock market. Yet I was sad. I did not have Neo-friends. My Neopets are now starving. I put in a fake birthday so no one could track me, because everyone wanted to track Wolfdragon17 to (street address here), and kill kill kill. Now they require the birthday to get into the account. I have been defeated by my own genius. In this way I am like a bunny rabbit, shark, panda, ferret, turkey, beluga, tiger, leopard, panther, (insert joke about Apples when you are feeling creative.)

I am embarrassed to say this, and raise you hand if you suffer the same, but I have never been attacked by Killer Tomatoes.
(Do you breathe? Can you walk?) My case in point. As for the rest.
Oh if only you had listened to the warnings broadcast across the world.

I am trapped into going to college because I need to stay on my parent’s insurance to pay for my medication, but I do not feel I am in the best condition for going to college right now. I am trapped. I am trapped into basing my life around having insurance in order to pay for medication that I do not like taking. Only I have to take it because I am told I have to and because I would become paranoid and afraid…and who knows what. This is a great joke isn’t it? I don’t hear you laughing

Advice for people with Bipolar disorder from a person with Bipolar disorder

The important three things to look into in order to recover are Therapy (Individual, family, or group. I would look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for dealing with depression), Medication (This can take time, but it is essential.), and Education (like learning the indicators of a manic episode (like racing thoughts) and ways to break the cycle of depression (back to Cognitive Therapy look into The Feeling Good Handbook.))

Sometimes I wonder how miserable I would have been if it were not around. It has given me a choice that in the past people didn’t have. The choice to actively fight there disorder and overcome it.

In the past before medication it was too overpowering for an individual to overcome. Now there is help on all sides, as long as you can find a way around the system with money or agility to get the medications you need.

Today with how many medications are out there, and better ones be researched, it is only a matter of time until you feel so normal you think you don’t even need the medication anymore. When this wonderful day comes for you do not be fooled; it is your medication that is making you feel normal again.

Another important factor is (if you use them) giving up those other little drugs that interfere with your medication: weed, alcohol, and possibly (not sure on this one) smoking. I hate to lecture or anything like that, but the main thing that might be preventing your wellbeing is self-medicating.

If you can find balance in your life by taking care of yourself physically you will discover that exercise is a natural and healthy way to elevate you mood without sending you overboard.

If you are feeling a little hypomania than take a break from exercises like running, and tone it down to calm walking or yoga. Learn to meditate, and calm yourself. It is a lot easier then it seems at first once you discover your own personal niche.

Look up additional steps you can take to balance your life. Have you heard of fish oil? Ask your pDoc (psychiatrist) about it? Also look into how much you should take, because each little tablet adds a little bit of cholesterol to your system. You might want to cut down on cholesterol elsewhere to make up for this.

That is my advice; I hope I didn’t annoy you too much.

Summer '06 and Theories of the Soul and Water

This summer was a lot better then the summer before it summer where I was very, very depressed. I was so depressed that for a while I had trouble reading even a page of a book. I couldn’t enjoy anything, so everything I did seemed like a waste.

Sooner or later I found a job, but I was still in a bad state of mind, so I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that I was allowed to read most of the time.

By the time I had the well I could read more, and I started clang to books and movies to help me pass the horrible long days.

The job I found did not offer many hours so I turned to the outdoors to take away the rest of my time. I would walk for hours upon hours through the park.

My mind would wonder and I came up with a hypothesis about the soul. The soul is like water. As we get closer to the source of heat (God) we expand and lose touch with ourselves. As we move away from the heat water is cohesive so it pulls together into little raindrops of life.

When Water gets far away from the source it becomes cold, and out of preservation forms crystals together expanding their mass, but as it becomes very cold the water crystals fall in on themselves and the water loses all structure, order, and union, it is only when the heat comes their way that they awake from their prison.

That is all I remember about my hypothesis I linked other elements to other parts of the world, like plants needing water and so on.