Hello today,

It looks cold outside. I was able to get up at eight in the morning, but consider how long I slept yesterday, and all the time I spent trying to sleep so that I could get up early in the day. Looking at the snow outside I have decided to change to a much warmer plan for the day then waiting around for a late buses. I am going to pull my hair back (if I remembered where I put my hair ties) and exercise. This will hopefully wake me up, so that I can spend the day reading or writing. Oh, boy!

I started the day with three things that should cheer me up. On finding that my milk had turned sour and ruined my oatmeal, I made up some Deluxe Kraft Mac and Cheese that does not require butter or milk. I also managed to make one outstanding cup of Matcha (special tea) and had a small cup of grape juice. It was like this: one sip of tea and the good feeling that comes with it, and then a sip of grape juice and whatever good feeling comes from that.

Really grape juice makes me feel wonderful. It might be a result of people growing grapes for such a long time. Our bodies might have developed a special way love of it. At times I’ve wondered if it should be studied for mental benefits on brain disorders (like fish oil). When I was chugging down grape juice I was a whole lot happier.

Sadly my chugging of juice was (in my opinion) the main reason I had high blood sugar. I’ve wondered if the sugar was inhibiting (by taking up so much space) other chemicals and medications in my brain, but more likely my mind was subconsciencely looking for things that made it feel better and it found something in grape juice.

My craving for grape juice disappeared when an antidepressant was added to my menu. Instead I found tea, chocolate, and caffeine.

Staying in today will save me money. Exercise should save me money in the long run.

Yesterday, with the few hours I was up, I started a contest with my sister to see who could keep a healthy sleep schedule the longest. (Hence me going back to bed so early.) She told me that I should aim for 10 hours of sleep every night.

I made an appointment to see my pDoc, but she is busy until March 17. I guess that gives me time to see if I can get my act together. Here comes Act I.

Tummy and hamsters

I am going to see my therapist today, and I don’t know what issues will pop up. I love my family so much. I don’t know exactly what I was thinking, but was really ready to die. I remember I felt that I would suffer more living just for them then they would suffer in me being gone.

I assume you are tired of this topic and want to hear about seals and penguins eating pizza, but I haven’t eaten a thing today, so thinking about food isn’t good. (My fridge is filled with my two roommates foods, but only my milk.)

My tummy is a gentle roaring of dissatisfaction thinking of the sweetest of foods, the one filled with little fish, caramel, and marshmallow, and chocolate…Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food. How many miles would I have to walk to work that off?

I think that I will have a HERSHEY’S Pie, just one, and walk it off, before I lose all the weight I am planning on losing. One thing is for sure I like walking in the park more then on a treadmill. Just think of it piles of hamsters droppings that are really chocolate, just like the hen that lays the golden eggs these hamsters poop chocolate poops. Would you eat it?

Topamaz - weight - medication - hope - etc

Topamax is an expensive weight control pill. It works like a wonder. My hunger just disappears, whereas before it was the big beautiful butterfly of doom. I even turned down my long time goal. My goal was to either have the OREO Pie at Big Boy, or the HERSHEY’S Pie at Burger King. I was at Big Boy, and I literally said no. NO. What in the world was I thinking?

Now my goal is to lose enough weight that I can just eat the pie without feeling guilty. Not that I would have felt guilty before this summer, I feasted on Ben and Jerry’s and Spaghetti before now. So why do I have this sudden goal to get rid of my belly.

My mother says I am not chubby just pleasantly plump, and for a long time I have thought if I lost some weight I could be attractive. Oh…I am so tired. Maybe if I just lay down for a bit…sigh…give me a moment please.

Yes, I feel so much better now. The only problem is that I lost my train of thought. (Choo Choo) Anyway, so I have been doing Tarot Card readings as you might have noted in the EBAY posting. If you want to see what a reading with me is like go ahead and bid. I use the Celtic Cross, and give you the choice of two decks.

I have yet to decide which of the two decks is my favorite one is more traditional and harsh, and the other is unconventional and lighthearted.

I had a dream once that a new medication was coming out for mental illnesses that was the best on the market. It beat all the other drugs on the market including Lithium. I wonder how long it will take for this drug to be made. How vast is my foresight?