Baby steps

I did exercise. For once I didn’t focus on how many calories I was burning, but instead I focused on if I liked the pace I was moving at. My wonderful headphones are currently in a shape that would not work while moving (i.e. broken apart), and I didn’t want them to get all sweaty anyways. So I picked up a pair in put it on, it was wet with someone else’s sweat. Luckily I was alone in the room and could just turn the volume on the TV up. Someone came in, and I realized that it was polite to ask her if she wanted the sound on the TV. “No.” She had bloody headphones on.

So in the end I could only focus on my pace, breathing, heart, and mind. My mind was as follows: I want to tire myself out so I have energy in the day, but it fades at night; This is getting boring how much longer do I have to do this? and I always start out the first day working out with endless energy that I can not match on the other days; finally, after my feet and legs stop hurting (as they do when I walk into school every morning) I can go on and on for a long time.

Yes, pain in my feet and the bottoms of my legs have always been the main problem I face when exercising. I think that it has gotten worse due to my medications. Either way I walk slowly, because if I walk at the pace everyone else does my feet do not like me.

I began to research into my theory of Lamictal slowing the blood flow to my hands and feet, but I did not remember how I found that site, and wandered hopelessly through the web trying to find it. Is it the medication that is making it worse or am I just getting old? Maybe I do have a weak ankle. (Insiders joke)

I just spent who knows how long trying to figure out if Lamictal could suddenly start impacting my sleep after months and months of use, but it is more likely the anti-depressant. Either that or when I ran out of a certain medication, and not having been told, “Do not stop taking this medication when it runs out.” I thought it was a temporary thing. I was then told that it could make matters worse if you suddenly stop. So maybe it massed up my brain, so that I now have a sleep disorder.

Either way. I want to say goodbye to the anti-depressant. I also spent some time researching to see if Grape Juice fights depression. No studies. So I sent Welch’s the question, and added in a question about the sugars in their juice. Because somehow I think that the sugars in Grape Juice are different from others, why? I really don’t know. To me Grape Juice is this magical thing that makes something that I cannot have (i.e. wine). Let others waste their money on old grapes while I have the fresh and now.

On a side note, it would be hard to live in a place like France where wine is such a big part of the culture and be on a medication that says no alcohol. That is why I think there should be more Gourmet Grape Juice (with no sparkles/bubbles) because it isn’t just wasting something that could be quality wine. It is including those who need to take a step away from alcohol for medical or personal reasons.

I am not inventing Gourmet Grape Juice. In order to work (so everyday people will pick it up for a party) it would need some real work. Welsh’s rules the Grape Juice world, but they have only two kinds (blending with different fruits doesn’t count) red and white. If one goes to the wine section and they will see just how many other Grape Juices there could be.

If I were not a poor college student I would not just let the future roll over me. If you do not see the potential of Grape Juice, and Fair trade items you do not see a world you have a say in.

When I say poor you do not quite understand. I am poor in that I will be bound by the need for insurance. I cannot go out and be a freelance artist. I cannot go out and start my own business… (Not that I could anyway). Keeping a job with insurance will rule my life. I am tired. I get ready to go to bed now. Good night.