Ok, okay.

I was wrong and my sister was right, or the Doctor was wrong. He pushed some buttons on my foot and then showed me a picture of a fluid sac. I told him over and over again, but my legs hurt when I am trying to keep up with normal people.

I think he didn’t get that point, and may have thought I was talking about the present and not all the time. New shoes he tells me, with heel insoles, I’ve tried whole foot insoles. I don’t think he understood. Do you think I made it clear that I was talking about all the time and not when some sac in my foot is swelling?

Fine! I will take my vitamins; I will pretend that the only thing that is wrong with me is a foot insole. There I’m healthy and angry now. All I was told was to take medications like aspirin or ibuprofen like candy with every meal because they act like a bag of cold peas. Nothing about why my feet fell asleep when all I am doing is walking at a faster pace (not much faster). As for vitamins and minerals:

“Any time a single nutrient is supplemented at excessive amounts, one is really dealing with a much more powerful drug-like effect. And although this has a greater potential to help a medical situation, it equally has the potential of making a particular medical condition worse, or even create new ones if inappropriately used.” –Acu-cell

Well, that is what they say anyway (They being Acu-cell). I’m at…Biggby. Yes, many would say this was my favorite coffee shop. You know, if I were miraculously allowed to drink good milk (ie 2%) mixed with sugar (syrups) and I had a place with a big kitchen I would use what would have been wine racks for syrup bottles (I would also have an espresso machine even if I was forbidden to have any caffeine today.). I would have gourmet grape juice as well.

Sigh.

I’m trying to keep myself up (not tired and happy). ‘People watching’ maybe that will work. That person over there appears to be ‘people watching’ as well. I feel like going to the mall to people watch. I should have gotten a grande… so thirsty.

After the initial evaluation (I went to go see consoling today.) the evaluator told me that I should go see someone the same place as my pDoc. Glad I didn’t mess up and say escalator right? I was tempted. Anything it was concluded that I had Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder. Wow! What an eventful day. The evaluator did however ask, “You are very medicated. You talk without inflection. I wonder if I have any trouble reading.”

“Yes.”

“Have you done illegal drugs…?” Long list of “No.”

“Do you drink caffeine?”

“Yes, but only after noon.” (No, I am kidding. I said, “but my Dr. says I can not have it after noon.”)

“You must stop having coffee, if you have coffee it must be decaf.”

I didn’t dare to ask him about tea. No coffee ever? I’ve lost my train of thought and I am leaving it there.

Back to the present, I am sipping tea… fake tea (herbal tea), because tea has caffeine in it and I don’t think it would be good to have a whole teapot after noon. Yes, at Seattle’s Best they offer whole teapots, but they have a very limited tea selection. What I was at Biggby and walked across the street to Borders.

I have a challenge. I have two hours to finish one teapot. Cheers. Do you want to take my teacup challenge? Espresso might be shots, but tea is cultured. It is like waxing your car. Excuse me for a second.

Wow, I’ve finished 15 min of drinking tea. I fill stuffed, what a good meal. I will make a dent into the level of water in this teapot. I wish I had someone to share with. Tea wonderful tea. You know what? They should have a music sign somewhere on the keyboard. One extra key wouldn’t have been that hard to squeeze in. Just take out the ‘a.’ No one ever uses the ‘a.’ See I almost wrote a sentence without it. It would be hard to put out that one does not use the ‘a’ without using an ‘a.’

Wow, look at that blended coffee drink. Anyone want to gain 5 pounds? Sadly it looks like this dude has the metabolism I used to have, before I gained weight. Stupid, stupid me. All I needed to do was take a step back. Say no it is not good to have pasta all the time, or to live off Ben and Jerry’s and potatoes. It might be true that your ancestors did but Ben and Jerry have changed.

In some ways, in some ways. Give me a second. Good tea. Give it some time to settle in my stomach.

I don’t know what, but this peppermint tea is making me feel better. I was sure a bad thing was on its way, but this tea is saying, “No all you need is Refreshment. All you need to do is to seat down and to write,” “Yes, yes, that I can do! I might have trouble finding a plug, but I will try.”

And the clouds roll in (the flat kind you see in cartoons) and we sing (my teapot and me) “Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun. Hiding behind the trees. We are asking you to please come out and play with us. Mr. (why is the sun male?) sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun. Won’t you please shine down on. Please shine down one me.” –Raffi

And the sunlight hits the rim of the teacup. The top of the teapot, and creates a reflection on a clear plastic panel. So very Mediterranean the building it reflects. At least the buildings tiles, or I guess it is better to say a mix between Roman arches and Art Deco. Turning around and looking at it, the building doesn’t know where it fits in. So lets just say, Art deco, as if that explains everything.

I better slow down with this teapot. I’m almost done and my time here isn’t almost done. I guess I could ask for more water…perhaps you can better understand just how much liquid I can consume, and I don’t even need to go to the bathroom.

I can consume a lot of everything now. My sister says that I have an appetite for life. Party. Party. Party. Tonight I go to a humor show. Ha ha ha. practice with me. I’ve been practicing all semester. Open you mouth and say, “Ha ha ha.” Ahhh. 23 mins of battery power and the tables my plugs are taken. I might have to finish this tea faster then I thought.

It is only a matter of time now. When the computer goes out, I will gulp down all the tea. Oh, I Love Egg. I wonder what they are doing now. Do you think that they made it?

My brain is drifting to a lightheaded feeling again. I used to call it dullness. La la la la. You would think lightheaded would be happy, instead of so disabling. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What is so stupid about it? I don’t know. Its just that I don’t like it, but I have to face it. Makes me feel stupid for having a brain that is so messed up. For all this.

Ok. I had to make a run for it. My battery was complaining so I got food and walked to the place I am… that sounds like Naomi and Nate. They do not appear to be coming this way. And walked to the place I am supposed to go for class tonight. It is a special night. My class is going to a humor show. It is not in a club like we would have liked, but it is free.

There is not wireless right here. This is a campus building! What are they thinking? Didn’t they know that students want to come up here for secret studies? Well, I don’t know what their diabolical plans are (they do not want students hanging around this area), but there are those like me who can temporarily go off the Internet so they failed. Look they even covered up their piano. I can think of another better (not really…maybe worse) part of campus where there are two uncovered pianos.

When your foot starts hurting in the night

Do not pay attention to as follows:

“If you are too young for medications try to use natural means of fighting the depression. Sunlight. Exercise, Fish Oil, Vitamins, Minerals, Nature Made has a group of Vitamins, Minerals that might help you. Look on the back of Mult-her/him to see if it has Vitamin B-12 and Folic Acid (because rumor has it this is the next Fish Oil for Depression). Otherwise get the Maximin Pack.

If the screening says you are not Bipolar then you can also use St. Johns Wort, and Mood Plus Sam-e. If you are perhaps you could find a psychiatrist to guide you in the use of Sam-e, but people with Bipolar disorder should stay away from St. John's Wort.”

Apparently, I have no idea about how to be healthy because my foot was in dire condition yesterday. It got so bad that for a while I was crawling around. My cell phone disappeared this morning so I will have to look for it. Anyway, I was panicking and picturing myself crawling up to Monday class I asked my sister if she had a crutch. My other sister went out and picked up two canes.

This morning a call from my Mom me woke me. (I couldn’t get up into my loft so I couldn’t use my alarm clock. I slept on the sofa.) It was almost time for class. I couldn’t miss another class because I had missed so many. So I used the ride I had set up with my sister the night before. I felt bad about this, and she hated me for it. And she hated me for having to go out and get canes when what do you know the next day I was walking. Yes, I was a little wobbly, and I don’t know if I should go to a Doctor. I guess if it happens again I have the canes.

I had to stop taking vitamins and minerals in case one was interacting with a medication, but I’ve known that I have circulation problems for a long time. That’s it. I am so thirsty.

Okay, I am back and I have a Mighty Mango. My ‘sick’ day yesterday was interesting. I would say it was more worry then pain. My heel is still complaining, but it is still walk’able. Teach me to exercise.

“Although PVD is not heart disease, it is often the first sign of blood vessel problems that may lead to coronary artery disease. The most common symptom of PVD is pain in the feet, legs or buttocks that first is noticed during walking or other exercise. The pain almost always goes away when the person rests.” –Heart Rhythm Society

Here is my wager: It is not the medication. I have had pain in my feet ever since the first time I started to exercise. It is the weight gain due to the medication that has made it worse. This problem has slowly gotten worse until what do you know just walking triggers it.

No it cannot wait, like my sister says. Problems with the circulation can be death. If I were suicidal I wouldn’t even wait due to the danger of it all.

All I can do is wait. I called my pDoc. She said to see a doctor today, but if my leg started hurting too, to call 911. I’ll be fine though. All the doctors will tell me is that I am at an increased risk of a heart attack, or stoke and to exercise and eat healthy, right? Yet, the peace of mind would be worth the walk.

Let me look that up.

“Peripheral vascular disease is characterized by narrowing of the arteries, reducing blood flow to the legs, arms, brain and other organs. The cause, in most cases, is atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries). The arteries become narrowed by cholesterol-containing fat (plaque) that builds up and hardens inside the arteries. People with peripheral vascular disease are at high risk for heart attack and stroke. While peripheral vascular disease is common — about 10 million people in the United States are affected — only about one in four is diagnosed and receives treatment.” –Mayo ClinicIt says little about treatment, but it says there is treatment. Meaning I should go see a doctor. So it isn’t my lack of good research about natural ways to help with depression, but inside it is my own body saying, “I have been complaining for years. I’m going to make your foot hurt because you have high cholesterol and you gained weight and I don’t like it. Oh, and that medication that can raise cholesterol? Yes, the medication that makes you sane? Say goodbye to stability. Oh and that exercise that enabled me to make your foot hurt? It saved your life.”

Should I skip the student health system, that tells me if I should go to a doctor, and just go to a doctor?

“Vitamins
Folate, B-6 and B-12 are vitamins that help to decrease homocystine in the blood. In specific situations, other dietary supplements may be prescribed, such as L-arginine and Omega-3 fatty acids.” –Mayo Clinic
The wondrous impact these vitamins where having on me must have been what helped with my mood. It got my blood flowing, literally. Omega-3’s seem to help as well, and Grape Juice says on the front that it is good for the heart. The mystery of my depression has been solved, and it’s all in the veins.

I wonder how many people are depressed because of circulation problems. I just vented to a friend in the studio right by me. I feel better now. My circulation has speed up.

You know, I’ve always wondered (since High School) why doctors didn’t say anything about my heart when they listened, just because my heart had started to feel different. I wonder what it will feel like to have legs that don’t hurt when you exercise, or walk at the same speed as everyone else.

Good day, I will had a cat picture later.