Humane day... what about my legs and feet!

I have metabolism problems due to my medication, and another strike has come my way. It is my blood type. I do not even know what my blood type is. Only I now know that it can cause problems with my medication.

My medication is making me walk more slowly then ever. It is a sad thing to watch. I walk up that hill that I walk up almost every day. At first I am fine. I can walk for a while undisturbed, but at a certain point it becomes hard to walk, and that point is coming sooner and sooner. I am fighting a losing battle.

Today I was breathing deeply with just the effort of getting ready for school. As I walked around between classes (not uphill) my legs soon started their complaining. So here I am complaining about my legs or is it my veins. Something tells me I am in a dangerous position right now. Yet everyone does not see it with everyone being Doctors. So I continue hoping that I can combat the problem myself.

Yoga, which makes my toes hurt did not bring up this leg problem. My arms were shaking for a bit, and I had horrible balance, but I kept up with the crowd pretty well.

I wish, yawn. Today is a caffeine (tea) day. Today is a day in which I can have green tea after noon because, by George, I do not have class tomorrow. Give me this; I stay away from caffeine for so long. I let the tea brew a little to long… it is slightly too bitter. Oh well.

What should I do? I even asked about my foot on Yahoo Answers. They said see a Doctor. I’ve seen a Doctor. I wish, that my PCD (primary care doctor) would have spent more time with me other then saying that she needed the blood results. I wish that the student doctor would have listened to my problems and not pushed me aside.

The only answer I have received is from my Aunt who told me that it was circulation problems due to medication. When telling my pDoc about the time when walking lead my feet to fall asleep on the treadmill she seemed unaffected. Maybe she already know about the circulation problems due to my calling her office and telling them that my calf muscles tighten up when I am walking.

I’m left out in the dark. my PCD and pDoc are hardly informative. My pDoc seemed only interested in the problems caused by Zyprexa, and that I would need to see a specialist. She said that my PCD was probably going to call me and tell me this. Perhaps I can ask the Specialist about my legs.

Bitter green tea anyone?

Why didn’t the college Doctor listen to me? I was only going there to find out if I needed to go to another Doctor that is what it said on the website. It said that they will recommend if you need to go see another Doctor.

I’m getting all worked up. That is it. If I had my phone with me I would go see another Doctor. Yet, I do not have the time. I have a class I am waiting for. All I have is an hour and a half. No time. I would have needed to think of it before. I couldn’t even get to a student Doctor in time. Sigh.

It is beautiful day. I am wearing a sweatshirt that says, “Gotta WALK The” and then there is a picture of a dog. I brought it at a Thrift shop as a perfect remember of a class were I volunteered at the Humane Society. You know so far I have gotten a call to interview for the Humane Society in my hometown while I am at another town in college, and Dunkin Donuts. I was thinking wonderful I get offered jobs now that I am away at college. Why didn’t anyone call me before? Because they didn’t need me before, I know. It does however make me happy. The Humane Society! I would end up with a lot of pets, I know, but what a challenging job. I wasn’t quite sure what I would be doing at the Humane Society, but I know that there is a lot more to it then meets the eye.

Now that I am on the topic of pets, I do not believe in breeding, but at the same time I like the concept of getting a curtain type of dog. The question, “What Dog Breed would you like to own?” is so much more fun then, “What Cat Breed?” Personalities of cats appear to be so much less based on breed then individuality, and the bodies are basically used for the same purposes. Don’t believe me about personalities? I’ve had sister cats where one was a rag doll who loved people and the other was shy.

I have not had any dogs, ever, but in the books they talk about the different personalities of different breeds. I know they do this in cat books, but I do not believe it is as extreme unless you get a Bengal cat.

So I have my different breeds that I would choice based on how much room I had in my yard, or non-yard. I put a lot of thought into it when I was younger, just like my sister did. My sister came close to secretly adopting a Jindu (Sp) like a certain breed of Japanese dog (either the Shiba Inu or Chow I forget), but different. My Mom caught her.

Just writing this makes me want to go out and get a cat. I like getting an adult because then you know the personality up front. My apartment, however, does not allow pets, and as relaxing as goldfish are, I don’t have room in my room. (Bonsai) I do treat my big Bonsai kind of like a pet, and cannot wait until the weather is warm enough to put it outside (where it will get wind and more light). Wind is good for trees otherwise they get too top-heavy and their trunks break from the weight.

Anyways. I will give you a hit at the breed of dog I am most interested in. The breed name means butterfly in French. Why do we call butterflies -butter-flies? I also wanted a Border Collie if I had a big yard for it to run in. I like Golden-Retrievers because that is what my neighbor had and we could play through the fence running back and forth. (My brother had a Border Collie for a while, but had to get rid of her because she could jump over fences. We would play in the backyard. He also had a Black Lab who would chew the side of his house.)

My sister said that a kid on the block picked up a cat and throw it into the Golden-Retrievers yard (forget the dog’s name, Clide?), and Clide killed the cat in front of the group of young children and the one (apparently evil) older kid. I did not see this, but heard of it. I was probably off somewhere looking at Mushrooms. The kind that releases spores using the force of you foot stepping on it to blow out air is awesome.

I wonder if I am making any sense…hmmm. We had a hammock between two trees that we would push each other in. It was in a dense area of trees. Our yard was a little like a forest in areas. The back yard was enclosed in a fence that with a little touching up would have been perfect for a dog.

Another neighbor (when I was older) had a dog that was on a chain almost all the time even in winter. No one was in the house most of the time. The dude’s girlfriend would stop by briefly just to feed him and clean up his circle. We call animal rescue once and they said, “He is not starving and he has a dog house.” There was a circle that was the outer reach of the rope that was walked down to dirt.

He found a way to get off the rope, and would walk over to our house and look in our backdoor. I would say sit, and sure enough, when his owner still cared about him, he had been trained to sit. I wanted to keep him, but knew it was not possible. My Grandpa even was impressed by how good of a dog he was. My Dad or someone took him back, but he would get loose again and again.

In the end another neighbor started taking the dog into their house for winter, but it was too late. The dog had not been taken to the vet in maybe forever, and he died.

I think I have told this to you before, but some things need repeating.

Another time I saw two dogs cuddling together for warmth in the backyard. We took them out of the cold and into the breezeway. I set up a heater, but my sister had another idea. Soon enough two Dogs were in her room. Which was about just as cold. One was a Border Collie and his hair was a little matted. My Mother called the owner and off they went.

Off I go. OXOX

Nine more days

I’m picturing a bagel and cream cheese. My stomach doesn’t go on vacation when the end of the semester gets closer. I’ve known students who live off chips. Oh, I am so hungry that even through I do not deserve it I’m off to get food.

Not quite yet through. There I switched hats. I’m wearing an Easter Bonnet now. It is much lighter on the head then my winter hat. My winter hat fits so snugly that it fit the younger people in my family years ago when their heads were smaller.

Today is the day that I see my pDoc. Oh, I have to go and get a bagel now.

Not quite yet through. I need to wait to see if anyone stops by my studio. I only have to wait a short amount of time. I think.

Do you think that he will stop over here (the Prof)? Nope he walked on by. Walk on by. Walk on by.

I wonder if this Snapple Immunity drink works, or is it like Airborne. (ie Airborne was like snake oil… it never worked). Looking around Walgreen’s now Airborne is on crazy sells, but it doesn’t work, so why are they selling it? Isn’t that against what should be pharmacy ethics?

My cell mate (person in the studio across from me) has been away for breakfast a long time now.

I get to see my pDoc! Not everyone who has a mental illness has this honor. I am blessed with Middle classiness while others walk the streets in suffering (and coldness) self-medicating so others look down on them, but in reality they are ill and cast aside as I would be without my family.

I get to see my pDoc today! This is a rare occasion. It has been months and months. So very long, I saw her last right when the term started. I do not have a ride to get there…there is no bus that goes out there. Bus I can take a bus a part of the way and walk the rest. I’ve walked back before. Its just I would need to know, because it takes some time to do the walking.

Even though I can talk to you. I cannot focus on my Senior Project. It is a good thing that this is a part of my Senior Project. Nine days. @$#%. Just calm down. I’ve done this kind of thing so many times now. I’ve wrapped up Projects in less time. In this time I could do a whole video. Shaped and edited. All I need to do. All I need to do is edit. God help me I need to edit.

Ok, okay.

I was wrong and my sister was right, or the Doctor was wrong. He pushed some buttons on my foot and then showed me a picture of a fluid sac. I told him over and over again, but my legs hurt when I am trying to keep up with normal people.

I think he didn’t get that point, and may have thought I was talking about the present and not all the time. New shoes he tells me, with heel insoles, I’ve tried whole foot insoles. I don’t think he understood. Do you think I made it clear that I was talking about all the time and not when some sac in my foot is swelling?

Fine! I will take my vitamins; I will pretend that the only thing that is wrong with me is a foot insole. There I’m healthy and angry now. All I was told was to take medications like aspirin or ibuprofen like candy with every meal because they act like a bag of cold peas. Nothing about why my feet fell asleep when all I am doing is walking at a faster pace (not much faster). As for vitamins and minerals:

“Any time a single nutrient is supplemented at excessive amounts, one is really dealing with a much more powerful drug-like effect. And although this has a greater potential to help a medical situation, it equally has the potential of making a particular medical condition worse, or even create new ones if inappropriately used.” –Acu-cell

Well, that is what they say anyway (They being Acu-cell). I’m at…Biggby. Yes, many would say this was my favorite coffee shop. You know, if I were miraculously allowed to drink good milk (ie 2%) mixed with sugar (syrups) and I had a place with a big kitchen I would use what would have been wine racks for syrup bottles (I would also have an espresso machine even if I was forbidden to have any caffeine today.). I would have gourmet grape juice as well.

Sigh.

I’m trying to keep myself up (not tired and happy). ‘People watching’ maybe that will work. That person over there appears to be ‘people watching’ as well. I feel like going to the mall to people watch. I should have gotten a grande… so thirsty.

After the initial evaluation (I went to go see consoling today.) the evaluator told me that I should go see someone the same place as my pDoc. Glad I didn’t mess up and say escalator right? I was tempted. Anything it was concluded that I had Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder. Wow! What an eventful day. The evaluator did however ask, “You are very medicated. You talk without inflection. I wonder if I have any trouble reading.”

“Yes.”

“Have you done illegal drugs…?” Long list of “No.”

“Do you drink caffeine?”

“Yes, but only after noon.” (No, I am kidding. I said, “but my Dr. says I can not have it after noon.”)

“You must stop having coffee, if you have coffee it must be decaf.”

I didn’t dare to ask him about tea. No coffee ever? I’ve lost my train of thought and I am leaving it there.

Back to the present, I am sipping tea… fake tea (herbal tea), because tea has caffeine in it and I don’t think it would be good to have a whole teapot after noon. Yes, at Seattle’s Best they offer whole teapots, but they have a very limited tea selection. What I was at Biggby and walked across the street to Borders.

I have a challenge. I have two hours to finish one teapot. Cheers. Do you want to take my teacup challenge? Espresso might be shots, but tea is cultured. It is like waxing your car. Excuse me for a second.

Wow, I’ve finished 15 min of drinking tea. I fill stuffed, what a good meal. I will make a dent into the level of water in this teapot. I wish I had someone to share with. Tea wonderful tea. You know what? They should have a music sign somewhere on the keyboard. One extra key wouldn’t have been that hard to squeeze in. Just take out the ‘a.’ No one ever uses the ‘a.’ See I almost wrote a sentence without it. It would be hard to put out that one does not use the ‘a’ without using an ‘a.’

Wow, look at that blended coffee drink. Anyone want to gain 5 pounds? Sadly it looks like this dude has the metabolism I used to have, before I gained weight. Stupid, stupid me. All I needed to do was take a step back. Say no it is not good to have pasta all the time, or to live off Ben and Jerry’s and potatoes. It might be true that your ancestors did but Ben and Jerry have changed.

In some ways, in some ways. Give me a second. Good tea. Give it some time to settle in my stomach.

I don’t know what, but this peppermint tea is making me feel better. I was sure a bad thing was on its way, but this tea is saying, “No all you need is Refreshment. All you need to do is to seat down and to write,” “Yes, yes, that I can do! I might have trouble finding a plug, but I will try.”

And the clouds roll in (the flat kind you see in cartoons) and we sing (my teapot and me) “Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun. Hiding behind the trees. We are asking you to please come out and play with us. Mr. (why is the sun male?) sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun. Won’t you please shine down on. Please shine down one me.” –Raffi

And the sunlight hits the rim of the teacup. The top of the teapot, and creates a reflection on a clear plastic panel. So very Mediterranean the building it reflects. At least the buildings tiles, or I guess it is better to say a mix between Roman arches and Art Deco. Turning around and looking at it, the building doesn’t know where it fits in. So lets just say, Art deco, as if that explains everything.

I better slow down with this teapot. I’m almost done and my time here isn’t almost done. I guess I could ask for more water…perhaps you can better understand just how much liquid I can consume, and I don’t even need to go to the bathroom.

I can consume a lot of everything now. My sister says that I have an appetite for life. Party. Party. Party. Tonight I go to a humor show. Ha ha ha. practice with me. I’ve been practicing all semester. Open you mouth and say, “Ha ha ha.” Ahhh. 23 mins of battery power and the tables my plugs are taken. I might have to finish this tea faster then I thought.

It is only a matter of time now. When the computer goes out, I will gulp down all the tea. Oh, I Love Egg. I wonder what they are doing now. Do you think that they made it?

My brain is drifting to a lightheaded feeling again. I used to call it dullness. La la la la. You would think lightheaded would be happy, instead of so disabling. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What is so stupid about it? I don’t know. Its just that I don’t like it, but I have to face it. Makes me feel stupid for having a brain that is so messed up. For all this.

Ok. I had to make a run for it. My battery was complaining so I got food and walked to the place I am… that sounds like Naomi and Nate. They do not appear to be coming this way. And walked to the place I am supposed to go for class tonight. It is a special night. My class is going to a humor show. It is not in a club like we would have liked, but it is free.

There is not wireless right here. This is a campus building! What are they thinking? Didn’t they know that students want to come up here for secret studies? Well, I don’t know what their diabolical plans are (they do not want students hanging around this area), but there are those like me who can temporarily go off the Internet so they failed. Look they even covered up their piano. I can think of another better (not really…maybe worse) part of campus where there are two uncovered pianos.