What what a beautiful Sunday morning

I must write. I feel calm, too calm. I am awake, but my brain still feels like it is sleeping. After sleeping much, as I have been in the habit of doing for a long time, I could not summon the motivation to get out of bed for over three hours. I was at peace and comfortable and the worries of the world seemed far away. I was aware that I should be working on course work, but even as I write part of me feels like it is still sleeping. This part wants to get in bed and fall back to sleep.

I feel as hopeless as ever, but I have given up on caring. The shame of my roommate knowing how much I can sleep is gone. Even courses are slowly drafting to the back of my head. Intro to the Prophet started out interesting when I was reading about the Sacred History, but now it is about how historians uncover things. I am reading the history of historians looking at the Prophet. God help me, I wanted to learn about another culture. I ask God to help me on a lot of things.

Now I am wishing that I had changed over to Essay Writing, even if the course name sounds boring. I’m tired in so many ways. I feel worn out, or as Bilbo says in the movie, The Lord of the Rings, “I feel like butter stretched over too much bread.” I remember that through the movie, even if I did read the books long ago. Sleeping so much makes it so I have to spend a greater partition of my time on college. My sister told me that my sleeping all the time makes the whole atmosphere of the apartment depressing. My other roommate is asking her what is wrong with me. I wish I knew.

What I do know is the increase in a certain calming medication to counteract decreasing an antidepressant has gone haywire. Depressed? Look at my life, look at how I sleep until my joints are sore, all those hours I am losing, and it is only getting worse. I have no fight still in me. I screamed and sang while I was manic afraid I was in hell. Now I do not care if I am in hell. I just want to cry. What am I supposed to do? So I ask God help me, but I have asked this before. Last weekend I spent two days in bed only getting up to eat. I’m not supposed to be able to sleep that long. I used to sleep eight hours, that’s average.

I took a break from writing and reading (boring reading), and now I am back. I don’t want life to be like this (ie sleeping all the time). I feel trapped and I visualize throwing myself against the bars of my cage, but I still find myself unable take the step of getting out of bed. I drift back to sleep, and my sister opens the door and asks, “Have you gotten up today.” Lets see I slept about 19 hours! It is true that unlike other medications, I wasn’t asleep the whole time, but shet betch. Yeah I said it. (Liam on youTube is fucking rad.)

I ran cross Liam on youTube because his Muffin video, but that didn’t impress me, it was only after a Zombie response was posted that I discovered Kelly. OMG betch. Just look it up on youTube, “Kelly Shoes,” if you have no idea what I am talking about. If you have no idea, then what have you been doing. I have the excuse of a disability, and college taking me out of the world of the living. I so cannot do school work right now.

Here are some jokes, and only one, I think, that anyone will find offensive. I had a longer list, but my Mom started to cry when she read it and asked me, after a long sermon, to take it down. I was supposed to find people who were compatible with me… Anyway here are the remaining jokes.

I would like to state that I am clear of mind, and heart and soul and there is no toilet paper on my shoe. In this way, I imagine I am like Jesus. Let us pray as Jesus prays, hold hands with the people next to you and I will lead you in prayer. Jesus doesn’t do house shows without $700 wine. Didn’t know where all that church money was going did you Bre? I know you heard about the whole water to wine thing, but that was before the middle ages people couldn’t tell the difference between wine and Kool-aid.

I have to confess my greatest weakness to y’all. I am addicted. I am addicted to (hand over face whisper) water. I cannot help myself. It finds its way into foods, like fruit, and the juicy part of meat. It is in drinks like tea. I’ve tried to stop, but there are drinking fountains everywhere, and three faucets in my apartment, and even if I paid to get them taken out there would still be that bathtub and toilet. Fish. Fish are also addicted to water to them it is like air to us and air is their water. Fish have no toilet paper on their shoes, and no shoes on their non-feet. I have never seen a single fish wear clothes in the shower. (would understand the shower thing more if a joke wasn’t removed) I am like a fish, and a fish is like me.

When I was younger I used to be addicted to online gaming. I was a Neo-millionaire, and I remember these long winter nights when my parents were out of town staying up to get the items from the Neo-shops while everyone was sleeping. I invested in the Neo-stock market. Yet I was sad. I did not have Neo-friends. My Neopets are now starving. I put in a fake birthday so no one could track me, because everyone wanted to track Wolfdragon17 to (street address here), and kill kill kill. Now they require the birthday to get into the account. I have been defeated by my own genius. In this way I am like a bunny rabbit, shark, panda, ferret, turkey, beluga, tiger, leopard, panther, (insert joke about Apples when you are feeling creative.)

I am embarrassed to say this, and raise you hand if you suffer the same, but I have never been attacked by Killer Tomatoes.
(Do you breathe? Can you walk?) My case in point. As for the rest.
Oh if only you had listened to the warnings broadcast across the world.

I am trapped into going to college because I need to stay on my parent’s insurance to pay for my medication, but I do not feel I am in the best condition for going to college right now. I am trapped. I am trapped into basing my life around having insurance in order to pay for medication that I do not like taking. Only I have to take it because I am told I have to and because I would become paranoid and afraid…and who knows what. This is a great joke isn’t it? I don’t hear you laughing