False Alarm

The sharp noon light
Originally uploaded by RedTea.

I slept so well last night that I am sure my hearing of a song was a false alarm. Some neighbor, or a car driving by must have been playing loud music. I display none of the signs of being manic. If anything I would say I am baseline. Yawn. One thing is for sure. Geodon makes me yawn. I do not feel overly tried just sleepy. Eight hours of deep smooth sleep and I am still cloudy eyed.

Yesterday, my Mother told me that my eyes were glazed over. She stopped into town to take me grocery shopping, and out to eat. The first thing we did was go to Mass where everything went as usual. During the last two years of my life, prier to becoming Bipolar I had hardly gone to mass, as I figured that it wasn’t something God would look down on. When I was manic however I regretted this. Having been taught that it was important to good to mass everyday, my manic self was afraid I had sinned.

This was an important thing because I thought that I was died, and needed to know if I was slated to go to heaven, hell or purgatory. I was afraid I was in hell when I was locked in a small room all alone.

I will tell you more about that later.

I have been so afraid of every little of sound at night being from inside my head that I am wearing myself out. I wasn’t afraid of this before Thanksgiving. It is only at night that I have this problem.

I don’t know if I can trust this Geodon yet. I feel very happy now that I am on it. Happy, peaceful, and at the same time tired and medicated. I guess things are really the same as usual, its just now I do not have deadlines to distract me. I will have a hard time with life when I am out of college, without the entertainment of consent assignments and deadlines I suffer all encompassing boredom. I am sure that I will get stuck in some boring office job filing away papers.

What in the world would I do without consent education.