Did you love?

“Ohhh you’re the best friend that I’ve had…you’re my sunshine.” – Queen. I wish that Freddie had had a ‘best friend.’ I don’t really think he ever did. *tear* If he had found his soul mate… who would happen to be a male… he wouldn’t have gotten sick. Because when you have true love, you do not sleep around. The illness (AIDS) found its way to the Queen. Even if he did not sleep around, but his lover did… once.

So I listen to the song and wonder.

“And I want you to know that I really love you. Ohhh, you’re my best friend.”

Humane day... what about my legs and feet!

I have metabolism problems due to my medication, and another strike has come my way. It is my blood type. I do not even know what my blood type is. Only I now know that it can cause problems with my medication.

My medication is making me walk more slowly then ever. It is a sad thing to watch. I walk up that hill that I walk up almost every day. At first I am fine. I can walk for a while undisturbed, but at a certain point it becomes hard to walk, and that point is coming sooner and sooner. I am fighting a losing battle.

Today I was breathing deeply with just the effort of getting ready for school. As I walked around between classes (not uphill) my legs soon started their complaining. So here I am complaining about my legs or is it my veins. Something tells me I am in a dangerous position right now. Yet everyone does not see it with everyone being Doctors. So I continue hoping that I can combat the problem myself.

Yoga, which makes my toes hurt did not bring up this leg problem. My arms were shaking for a bit, and I had horrible balance, but I kept up with the crowd pretty well.

I wish, yawn. Today is a caffeine (tea) day. Today is a day in which I can have green tea after noon because, by George, I do not have class tomorrow. Give me this; I stay away from caffeine for so long. I let the tea brew a little to long… it is slightly too bitter. Oh well.

What should I do? I even asked about my foot on Yahoo Answers. They said see a Doctor. I’ve seen a Doctor. I wish, that my PCD (primary care doctor) would have spent more time with me other then saying that she needed the blood results. I wish that the student doctor would have listened to my problems and not pushed me aside.

The only answer I have received is from my Aunt who told me that it was circulation problems due to medication. When telling my pDoc about the time when walking lead my feet to fall asleep on the treadmill she seemed unaffected. Maybe she already know about the circulation problems due to my calling her office and telling them that my calf muscles tighten up when I am walking.

I’m left out in the dark. my PCD and pDoc are hardly informative. My pDoc seemed only interested in the problems caused by Zyprexa, and that I would need to see a specialist. She said that my PCD was probably going to call me and tell me this. Perhaps I can ask the Specialist about my legs.

Bitter green tea anyone?

Why didn’t the college Doctor listen to me? I was only going there to find out if I needed to go to another Doctor that is what it said on the website. It said that they will recommend if you need to go see another Doctor.

I’m getting all worked up. That is it. If I had my phone with me I would go see another Doctor. Yet, I do not have the time. I have a class I am waiting for. All I have is an hour and a half. No time. I would have needed to think of it before. I couldn’t even get to a student Doctor in time. Sigh.

It is beautiful day. I am wearing a sweatshirt that says, “Gotta WALK The” and then there is a picture of a dog. I brought it at a Thrift shop as a perfect remember of a class were I volunteered at the Humane Society. You know so far I have gotten a call to interview for the Humane Society in my hometown while I am at another town in college, and Dunkin Donuts. I was thinking wonderful I get offered jobs now that I am away at college. Why didn’t anyone call me before? Because they didn’t need me before, I know. It does however make me happy. The Humane Society! I would end up with a lot of pets, I know, but what a challenging job. I wasn’t quite sure what I would be doing at the Humane Society, but I know that there is a lot more to it then meets the eye.

Now that I am on the topic of pets, I do not believe in breeding, but at the same time I like the concept of getting a curtain type of dog. The question, “What Dog Breed would you like to own?” is so much more fun then, “What Cat Breed?” Personalities of cats appear to be so much less based on breed then individuality, and the bodies are basically used for the same purposes. Don’t believe me about personalities? I’ve had sister cats where one was a rag doll who loved people and the other was shy.

I have not had any dogs, ever, but in the books they talk about the different personalities of different breeds. I know they do this in cat books, but I do not believe it is as extreme unless you get a Bengal cat.

So I have my different breeds that I would choice based on how much room I had in my yard, or non-yard. I put a lot of thought into it when I was younger, just like my sister did. My sister came close to secretly adopting a Jindu (Sp) like a certain breed of Japanese dog (either the Shiba Inu or Chow I forget), but different. My Mom caught her.

Just writing this makes me want to go out and get a cat. I like getting an adult because then you know the personality up front. My apartment, however, does not allow pets, and as relaxing as goldfish are, I don’t have room in my room. (Bonsai) I do treat my big Bonsai kind of like a pet, and cannot wait until the weather is warm enough to put it outside (where it will get wind and more light). Wind is good for trees otherwise they get too top-heavy and their trunks break from the weight.

Anyways. I will give you a hit at the breed of dog I am most interested in. The breed name means butterfly in French. Why do we call butterflies -butter-flies? I also wanted a Border Collie if I had a big yard for it to run in. I like Golden-Retrievers because that is what my neighbor had and we could play through the fence running back and forth. (My brother had a Border Collie for a while, but had to get rid of her because she could jump over fences. We would play in the backyard. He also had a Black Lab who would chew the side of his house.)

My sister said that a kid on the block picked up a cat and throw it into the Golden-Retrievers yard (forget the dog’s name, Clide?), and Clide killed the cat in front of the group of young children and the one (apparently evil) older kid. I did not see this, but heard of it. I was probably off somewhere looking at Mushrooms. The kind that releases spores using the force of you foot stepping on it to blow out air is awesome.

I wonder if I am making any sense…hmmm. We had a hammock between two trees that we would push each other in. It was in a dense area of trees. Our yard was a little like a forest in areas. The back yard was enclosed in a fence that with a little touching up would have been perfect for a dog.

Another neighbor (when I was older) had a dog that was on a chain almost all the time even in winter. No one was in the house most of the time. The dude’s girlfriend would stop by briefly just to feed him and clean up his circle. We call animal rescue once and they said, “He is not starving and he has a dog house.” There was a circle that was the outer reach of the rope that was walked down to dirt.

He found a way to get off the rope, and would walk over to our house and look in our backdoor. I would say sit, and sure enough, when his owner still cared about him, he had been trained to sit. I wanted to keep him, but knew it was not possible. My Grandpa even was impressed by how good of a dog he was. My Dad or someone took him back, but he would get loose again and again.

In the end another neighbor started taking the dog into their house for winter, but it was too late. The dog had not been taken to the vet in maybe forever, and he died.

I think I have told this to you before, but some things need repeating.

Another time I saw two dogs cuddling together for warmth in the backyard. We took them out of the cold and into the breezeway. I set up a heater, but my sister had another idea. Soon enough two Dogs were in her room. Which was about just as cold. One was a Border Collie and his hair was a little matted. My Mother called the owner and off they went.

Off I go. OXOX

la de la

What can I say? Perhaps I should have picked a Senior Project that has an end. Then I could get done and feel done. It is not that I do not have my memoir (not on this blog). I am waiting for feed back right now, but of course life gives either too much or to little of it. My back feels wonderful this week. It is amazing what a little Yoga can do, other then making the shoulders tender. My poor feet, they even a little hurt when I was doing Yoga, but this time it was in the toes. I wondered, “I am not standing on my toes. Why are they complaining?”

I had a sudden vision of Spiderwick. Was it in a dream or was it something that popped into my head while I was trying to sleep last night? My cellmate created a movie that everyone puts on the headphones and laughing along with. I haven’t seen it yet. I’ve seen only bits and pieces of it.

When I went to my pDoc I was told that Zoloft was causing metabolism changes (bad ones), and there would have to be a stand off between my physical health and my mental health.

Ahh!!! I knew this would happen. In fact I prayed for it. I prayed that my health would get in the way so much that I would be forced to go off my medication. Why? Because I wanted to go off my medication, but was too afraid to try.

I no longer want to go off my medication. Depression is not fun, and I have discovered that without my medication I would have to face it. This is not the only thing that changed my mind there is much more. Mainly fear.

So I was told to eat a protein rich diet. Which to me translates as meat, beans & rice, and milk. I guess all dairy products count. Oh, and those vegans who only will have sex with other vegans stay away from me because I am going to go back to meat. Not that I stopped eating it, but I stopped consciencely eating it. Oh and my ban on bananas is over. Didn’t know I had one did you?

I’ve had my first cholesterol packed beef, bean, rice, and cheese burrito ever since I concluded that it was what was making my cholesterol high. Today I concluded that one burrito isn’t going to kill me. One every week might. One sweet isn’t the end of the world, but unlike burritos where I am satisfied for months after splurging on one sweet it leads to another.

Oh my, what language is coming from another studio right now, I will not repeat. Still doesn’t stem my craving for sweets. Protein rich diet. I want a liquid filled diet as well. Ohhh. Liquid. Why so thirsty. Yet I refuse to buy water, and everything is all sugary, except milk, but milk doesn’t go with cholesterol filled burritos. It is a little too much. Tea…I am welling to spend money on tea, or flavored water (not vitamin water that has sugar). Ohhh. So thirsty. Let me see. Yes! Yes! I have a flavored water in my bookbag!

Now if only I could place this feeling in my back shoulder.

Today is the day that I might try that Fuji water. It will not take long to bus over to Barnes and Noble and I think that the farther I get from home today the more likely I am to make it though. Borders or Barnes and Noble: Tea (tried and modestly priced) or Water (expensive and never tried before). Or perhaps I could just go home. I slept so well last night. I was so refreshed when I awakened.

How did the Dragon in, The Hobbit, move all the treasure into one main room if he was too big to walk through the mountain city?

In the Mean Kitty song on youTube the dudes over mits totally just disappear when he is outside of the bathroom.

I was just looking (not listening) at the Mean Kitty song trying to play what he was saying in my head.

There you have it. What four years of college give you, a being an in-depth look at a book and a music video. An awesome music video.

There I have typed my way through the sleepiness that came with my stomach trying to handle all that protein rich fatty food. I think.

Now I am enjoying the shadow of my hand across the sliver of my computer. I’m staring at how for a little bit the shadow seems brighter then the computer in full light. The cut up table on which my elbows rest is cut into with hundreds of Exacto knifes all in straight lines. They intersect so much that it looks like Jack Frost attacked the table.

My Old Navy scarf mainly purple with golden thread sewn in rest on top of my college branded sweatshirt waiting for that day when I do not dress warmly enough. A pair of professional striped pants and shirt for an emergency interview along with a pink and flowery Easter bonnet also graces the table. A wooden jewelry box with a Japanese Temple curved into it is sanded to look old has been on the table a while now. Inside the box are two sets of Tarot cards warped in silk. A black pleather clutch sized purse’s long strap hangs off the table.

“I wish I had time to do this.” All the things I didn’t get to do for my senior project, yet no worries. I have time. All I need is a video camera with a firewire cable. All the sound quality that comes with the equipment offered in college will be gone, but I can produce sound quality good enough for the normal computer with just a video camera.

It will not be the same as if I could freelance, because I cannot freelance. I need insurance. Now and forever. I am not the first person who has had to face the reality of their own limitations.

Nine more days

I’m picturing a bagel and cream cheese. My stomach doesn’t go on vacation when the end of the semester gets closer. I’ve known students who live off chips. Oh, I am so hungry that even through I do not deserve it I’m off to get food.

Not quite yet through. There I switched hats. I’m wearing an Easter Bonnet now. It is much lighter on the head then my winter hat. My winter hat fits so snugly that it fit the younger people in my family years ago when their heads were smaller.

Today is the day that I see my pDoc. Oh, I have to go and get a bagel now.

Not quite yet through. I need to wait to see if anyone stops by my studio. I only have to wait a short amount of time. I think.

Do you think that he will stop over here (the Prof)? Nope he walked on by. Walk on by. Walk on by.

I wonder if this Snapple Immunity drink works, or is it like Airborne. (ie Airborne was like snake oil… it never worked). Looking around Walgreen’s now Airborne is on crazy sells, but it doesn’t work, so why are they selling it? Isn’t that against what should be pharmacy ethics?

My cell mate (person in the studio across from me) has been away for breakfast a long time now.

I get to see my pDoc! Not everyone who has a mental illness has this honor. I am blessed with Middle classiness while others walk the streets in suffering (and coldness) self-medicating so others look down on them, but in reality they are ill and cast aside as I would be without my family.

I get to see my pDoc today! This is a rare occasion. It has been months and months. So very long, I saw her last right when the term started. I do not have a ride to get there…there is no bus that goes out there. Bus I can take a bus a part of the way and walk the rest. I’ve walked back before. Its just I would need to know, because it takes some time to do the walking.

Even though I can talk to you. I cannot focus on my Senior Project. It is a good thing that this is a part of my Senior Project. Nine days. @$#%. Just calm down. I’ve done this kind of thing so many times now. I’ve wrapped up Projects in less time. In this time I could do a whole video. Shaped and edited. All I need to do. All I need to do is edit. God help me I need to edit.

Memorys - of the internet so long ago

I love egg
With episodes here

Cat I'm a kitty cat
and I meow meow meow

Got to go!

Whatever this one is called

I am still a day behind

I signed up for a Yoga class on Sunday. I know that things are so to speak: ‘Narrowing down’ in the Senior Project, but this is a part of the Project. To write a Blog life must be lived. I spent so much of this semester (and last) feeling a great sense of loss for what could have been. Yet I am glued to this keyboard because this is how I have learned to fight the sleepiness and at times it is how I get through a disabling feeling in my brain.

What did I do today? I went to get my blood taken after a 14 hour fast. Then I found my way to Borders and therefore Seattle’s Best where I ordered a teapot. So here I am. I wanted to work here when I was first depressed. Here or the public library. I vaguely wished there was a job for someone in the condition I was in. I did not know what I could handle.

Now what condition am I in? For a long time in my life I felt that I used to be stronger when I was younger. When I was young I thought that I was less spoiled before our family had air conditioning. Now I might be spoiled (as depending on others while wasting money on tea and food makes me feel), but I am less clueless.

The sunlight’s angle on my face and the reflection off the screen had me tired for a second, but seating up and removing another layer (what a beautiful warm day) appears to be helping. One of my medications makes monitoring the body’s temperature harder. I should have gone with Peppermint tea because my senesces feel stuffed. Break time!!!

Okay, nose blown I am back. Sadly I have finished my tea. (I don’t think you get the same amount at this Borders. I guess it is good not to overdo. I have these sunglasses that change with the light level, and I heard someone whisper, “She would be very good looking if she lost some weight.” They have no idea how good looking I can be.

A bookstore is a beautiful place, just like a library is, only shiner. I just looked at the rack of magazines and had a vision of the video game “The Sims 2.” On a day like this with the gentle warmth of stranger’s conversations and the sun shining in who would want to play a video game. That is unless, of course, you get to play the video game in the bookstore.

I wonder what a high-class video game center would look like. I’m not talking about arcade. Arcades are dark, I mean clean and bright and with another kind of game. You stop by you pay for whatever then you pick from a number of games which you can play in comfort. There would also be a meeting room where the gaming community could talk with the comforts of coffee and tea.

I have been thinking about vitamins lately (lastly being when I was on the bus today and made a note to write about it). I was thinking about that limit in which a vitamin stops being good for you and starts being bad for you. It seems that people are loading up on the Fish Oil, but at what point is it just wasting fish?

I think that I have taken that subject far enough. I think I remembered how to put my hair up with two sticks (in this case pens), score. I should start carrying around my extra chopsticks.

Lets see… I’m counting how much I’ve spent today. Hmmm. I’m keeping track of how expensive my lifestyle is. I b back.

The main thing that makes my lifestyle cheaper is my lack of car. I do not know how long I will be able to stay away from the cost of buying a car, but I am hoping that there will be some innovations between now and then.

I get to go to Yoga! I get to go to Yoga! I get to be healthy! Soon I will be able to walk on the treadmill again (only I will stay on another machine that is easier on the feet). When the winter is over (I know it is a little early) my body looks at the sunlight and remembers all those long walks. It remembers swimming at the beach, and eating three leaf clovers. It remembers my brother teaching me how to play basketball (long forgotten), jumping into the fountain at the arb (this is now forbidden), and my sister showing me how much she loves to run (I was out of shape).

Sunlight! Easter candy! 12 days. I have 12 days to fix things. If I can make it in these 12 days then I’m done with the Art School. What is four years in a life unless it can enrich the rest of the life? I wrote this once in my application for college.

Great there is a dude staring at me again. At least this one isn’t a pervert. Actually I think he thinks I am my sister. My sister used to work here. Yes, that is why I thought I could get a job here. My sister is a good employee. A++

I am having a much harder time writing today then I have for the last two days. I needed to de-tox and I did. Now my mind is drifting to spring like thoughts: “Go read a book.” “Call everyone! EVERYONE!” “Clean your room. It is a mess. Do you think your Bonsai likes growing in a mess?” I answer all of them, “What are you thinking? Do you realize how little time I have until college is over? Do you realize how much I have to do?”

I just spotted a cute baby. In blue so I guess it is a boy. My Mother says that she would like a job (or to volunteer) as someone who rocks newborn babies in the hospital.

When (if) I lose weight do you think my skin will shrink with me or will I have excess skin?

I did try calling a lot of people. I wish wireless were free here so I could get on AIM, but I doubt my brother will be on. What will I do? It is too late to go to that Thrift shop across the street. I guess I can finish my tea, and get food. Do you think I can show my face in that Noodles and Company? It is the one that interviewed me, but did not hire me? Did I give a bad interview? I looked good. As far as Thrift store professional clothes and a new purse can get you.

It was an awesome purse. My sister has given me a Couch purse (that I haven’t used yet) since then. Right now I am wearing a slim black purse that could work as formal. It just barely fits all my needs.

I think I will walk to the next shopping area, the one with a Panera with free wireless.

Well hello.
Mmmm, pickle taste good.
I will call my brother
wait…*closes eyes
(the pressure of college hit)
there better.
I will call my brother
at 8
when he gets off of work

sigh no answer. I am getting tired of this pattern of college. I don’t have it in me to get all worked up and… I just cannot do it. The moderators in the support group keep on asking if we mourn our old self. The self before all the medication and problems, and I wonder. I wonder what I could have done in these two years. I guess you have heard this before.

Another day - umm yay?

My mother showed up before I had the chance to look around. It was harder then ever to walk up to the bus today. I now have a very distinctive slow limping like walk. If I were male I would look Ghetto, or at least a wanta-be. I am not, and I am not dress to the role, so I just look like a limping fool. As for the walk up to the bus, I had to stop half way through to rest my legs. Sigh. It didn’t work. My legs would not calm down. So I tried smaller steps and walking using different muscles (i.e. walking sideways.) I did however only manage to look like a… I don’t know what I looked like to the people passing by.

So it has been settled. My legs are in no condition to workout by traditional means so it is time for yoga. I so do not want to be here right now. Why did I have to seat by someone with food. Sigh.

Ok, ok. I passed a dude in my Intro to the Prophet course. He had his head down and didn’t bother to look up when I waved and said, “Hello.” Sigh. Racism is so strong on this campus, Racism against the mentally ill.

If I continue to have this level of energy (not perfect, but not bad) I will have to start applying for jobs. Yet something tells me (with all my walking problems) that a medication change is on its way. I have to be honest and limping along calf muscles tight feet strangely in much less pain today is not a side effect to look over. Overall though, I will try to enjoy this weekend, and see if I can put off any medication changes until after the school year is over.

This Green tea is too weak. After having Matcha I might have to bump up to a stronger kind of tea. Green tea has one of the lights flavors of all the real teas. Yes, it is a Thursday. I don’t know when I will post this, but I can risk having a little tea, because I have no school tomorrow!

I am actively fighting the negativity in my brain. That cookie looks good. When I am down I will not let the bad feeling take me to a place where I want to close my eyes, but I will stop and sip my tea. I’m tired of this no tea after noon. I understand coffee, but tea has a different kind of caffeine, and Asians drink it all the time. They have been for a long time and it makes them healthy.

I have to admit Green tea (unlike Matcha) doesn’t have the same punch as Peppermint tea, and for some reason my hair keeps on making my neck so uncomfortable…oh no! My nail broke. It is not supposed to break right there. Blood. I just cut them too.

Ok. I have my hair up with two pens. My hair is a little short so it will not stay if I walk around, but my neck has relief. As for my nail… it doesn’t hurt. How long do you think my hair will stay up? I used to be really good at putting it up with even one pencil, but I had longer hair then.

That was way back then when I worked at the library. If I were to go back in time with the knowledge I have now. I would have read more. Children’s books are so much fun. Not as overweighed as adult books. Not that I have read many adult books. I have been in college i.e. I have put life on hold. What do I plan on doing once I have a life? Other then the obvious First off is the problem with my legs and feet. Yoga should be a good starting point for that. Monday. Monday I see my pDoc. Oh my goodness. 13 more days! I’m goodness!

It is wonderful that I came out of it (the sleepiness) in time to add a more positive twist to at least the most recent of my blog and that in the end I was able to put forth at least some of the effort that I had wanted to. So for this moment, this second, this minute you see me without the depression, without the delusions, without a desire to kill myself, and having had a moment like this, even if I do have to switch medications, while having my disorder will make it easier to keep hope. Because I am here, under all the ‘personality’ changes the medications give me, and I am just as strong as I was when I faced college my freshmen year.

Yes, tea goes a long way with me. It calms me like Geodon did, a happy calm, without the extreme sleep problems. It raises my energy just enough, and it makes my whole body feel good. Without my restriction on caffeine I would drink it very often. The only thing that makes tea better is honey. I used to say milk, and I still use that trick with things I have to be polite and drink, but do not like. I do not like fruity tea.

Tea and Yoga. I do sound like the hippie. (?Don't know what I am thinking?)

Do you have a voice that will suddenly pop into you head, and say negative things? I do not hear it with my ears, but it is like someone jumped into me, and said, “Shut up.” This one I do not answer kindly (in my head). When it says thinks like, “I hate you.” or “Whore.” I answer, “Well, isn’t that nice.” It used to bug me, but now I do not care. It was there in the past, but it didn’t say negative things it said things like, “Dalmatian.”

So as to the people out there, who care to judge me based on paper passing, or how long I look at people all I can say is, “Well, isn’t that nice.”

Today is a wonderful day with so much light. I don’t know why, but I am increasingly drawn to sweets. Yet, it was hard to complete all of that. What I need is someone to hang out with me so I can split my stuff with them you know someone to share my teapot of tea with.

It would be nice to have a tea maker. Even better would be a tea/Matcha maker. Because after having tea for a while you want something more extreme. I am too poor. I spend all my money at coffee houses and restaurants. I could never own my own shop because I would drink everything. I wonder if they are looking for employees at the tea place in town yet, the new tea place where I found Matcha. Beautiful place. Wonderful Matcha.

As you might have guess I did not go to Biggby to prove to the pervert that I am in fact Schizoaffective Bipolar. I didn’t feel like taking my medication early, and he won. He wanted to get me out of the seat, (he looked pissed when I took it) and I just don’t like that kind of atmosphere. So I will wait to next week.

Stupid fool. I am a fool, but I am a different kind of fool. Either way I can spot one, and a stupid fool is someone who makes the atmosphere of a place uncomfortable so the owner loses money. Who knows how many women he had chased away from the place. Who knows how many I will chase away by talking about it. So I will tell you as follows. The employee’s at Biggby are intelligent and nice. There is free wireless, and other then the occasional ‘stupid fool’ light shines through its windows, and the space in small and intimate. The music is not distracting, so it is easier to study without headphones, but enough non-students come in so that it is not just a student location.

The fool. The first card in the Tarot deck. I have often been the fool. It is good. It is healthy to be the fool. The first time I ever tired any fortune telling it was when I had the letter from the college I go to. Did I get in? I needed to know before I opened the letter, and I pulled out three cards. Afterwards I opened the letter and surprise I was accepted.

At the time I just wanted to get into the University with my horrible (good enough to get in) ACT scores. I was quite upset about the ACT and figured that the best school I could get into was the art school. I just wanted to go so badly that I figured it was my one way to get in. I didn’t really consider myself a good artist; even if my art teacher told me I was better then some students who were through college. I knew from looking at fan art online that my skills were easily passed. (This last cup of tea tastes bitter. Somehow it much have been getting to the leaves. Time for honey.)

I’ve done it. I completed the last game…game why did I type that,,,? the last class for the day. We have one class off for the day. What am I thinking? Why am I seating in a off coffee shop? The sun is up the library is open!

The library trip was uneventful. Somehow I ended up at Primo coffee, because I have such great focus. My energy is dropping. At 8:30 I am done with all food for the day. I will have to wait until 12:30 tomorrow for a blood test. I didn’t eat much today, just a few sweet things and a pepperoni pocket. My head of hair is annoying my neck lately and I tried to chew off that part of my nail that broke so it would stop getting stuck in things.

I wish I would run into someone I know. I’ve done the calling around and Lost appears to have won over people’s minds. I was going to put in my application to the library and printed it all out, and then I realized that I was dressed like an art student. #$%! I’m going to have to tell my pDoc about my nails breaking and my teeth becoming sensitive to the cold.

I would like to imagine that I would stay like this or better, that I am done with the battle for medications, but all the signs are pointing to me being unhealthy. I will take calcium supplements and then I will concur these problems. I will quickly change the water in the shower from hot to cold for the circulation benefits it is said to give. I will do this over and over again mouth silently gasping as the icy water (it feels that way) pours over me. It is not nearly as hard to go from cold to hot. I will watch my sisters Yoga video and take from it what poses I can do. How much does a yoga class cost in this part of Michigan?