focus focus and come up with a title

Peppermint tea. It always reminds me of the Sims.
A nice amount of goodness that rolls over me, mixed with uneasiness because the end of the semester. What am I to do? I am free in a way. I could go anywhere in the U.S. (that I could afford). …anywhere with a good job.

Another day has gone by.
It is my second to last day. Just writing that made my head more clear. It was feeling foggy… no, tried. I wanted to sleep through class so much. If I didn’t responsibilities I would have slept, but today is a final paper turn in day.

I just finished my first class of the day. I am more awake now. Do you think I should have turned in my slip to the Prof. saying I have a disability?

I have a desktop of Sasuke now. Hey, why not? He has a funny outfit…wait I cannot give things away!

My hands are just not making ideas flow down to the keyboard.

As follows is practice, or a game… it is by no means great (or logical) poetry

setting here on my apple
drinking Italian soda not, coffee
not even using the wireless
the sound of typing and people.
beside the brink
there is a mage.

I would like to be a mage
I guess I could look instructions up, apple
colored brink
and not far away is coffee
but people
really come here for the wireless

it is free wireless
it even attracted a mage
who could turn all these people
into frogs, a michigan apple
is better then coffee.
in my backyard there were brinks

reddish like these brinks
but no wireless
and no coffee
maybe I could tell the mage
if I ever get off my apple
and talk to these talking people.

always interesting people
what was here before they tore brink
to make room in another building. why do I keep on saying apple?
is it the effect of waves of wireless
entering my brain, or is it the mage
who really has a lot of coffee.

decaf coffee
what a waste. people
are afraid of the mage
and stay far away from the wall of brink
now I see he is the source of the wireless.
and all he is doing is eating an apple

the mage doesn’t notice the people.
perhaps the smell of coffee has entered the brick
and wireless has cooked it like an microwaved apple.

la la la -- a Time of Happiness

I feel so comfortable in coffee shops. Immediately my tired back eased up, and my tired head lifted up. My mind knew that it was time to write. I should be working as I type, but I am breaking because I felt so tired. So very tired. I know you might not have heard me complaining about being tired lately. It is getting better, and I have been too caught up in other things to write.

Less then one week now until I am done with college. The music is warning me, “Don’t come back. Don’t come back. Don’t know what to do if you come back.” I just don’t know if I could continue with the frame of mind that college takes. I want to work.

I need to move soon. I am hesitant to find a place to stay, because I do not know if I want to stay. If I sign a lease then that is another year of commitment. I could go to where the jobs are, or where the light is. I can handle heat pretty well. I could teach English in Japan, South Korea, China, etc. . I know you see all the grammar and spelling errors I make, but somewhere in my head are all those little rules. I remember Elementary and Middle School. I would like to know a second language better before then though.

You see I was tricked. The language courses started a week or two earlier then other courses. I didn’t know if I wanted to finish up in the Summer or Fall, until I was in a slump and needed something to pull me out of it.

Now I am a slump when it comes to writing. What should I say next? I was walking with my bookbag in the park the other day. I settled down at a bench in the sunlight yet with much nature around it. I read until I remembered that I had a posting that I needed to do, and told myself I would come back tomorrow and read in the sunlight. Of course, I didn’t. I attempted to read in the lobby of my apartment building with its huge windows, but it was too late, and dark.

This is a big tragedy. Not only did my sleeping rob me of most of my day, but also I did not find the power to use the sunlight while it was up. That is why school days are so important to me. They are my schedule keeper. They make me get up with the sunlight so I can see how wonderful the sun is on the trees, and through the windows of this coffee shop. Light bouncing off the red hair and black hair, a white striped shirt, and making glares in people’s glasses. This is what I was made for, to look and listen, and to write.

The smooth sliver of my laptop, the soft clicking of the keys brings a memory to my mind. While learning to type in Middle School a paper was put over our hands so we could not stare at the keyboard. We where using the first row, and I was doing an amazingly accurate job for a beginner. (While I am not a quick typist, I have a connection with technology, and learning that must have come from video games.) When the person I was on a team practicing with told the teacher that I was doing really good the teacher said, “Wait until we use all the keys.”

I continued in typing class, but I stopped to read whatever I was typing instead of just copying down as quickly as possible. (I think it is better to read. Your mind forms connections with knowledge, and typing.) So I was always slower. I passed though so I couldn’t be the worse in the world.

I was reading something to my niece a while ago that was too advanced for her, and she kept on asking me the meanings of words. It made me want to read to her advanced stuff (that she would be interested in) just so she could learn the words, but I do not live by her, and it might get discouraging for her to have to keep asking the meaning.

It is easy to take for granted just how advanced one’s language has become until you read to someone in Elementary, and you remember how you used to not know so many words. And one wonders how you could have ever not known this or that word, and when you learned it. I most certainly didn’t flip through the dictionary memorizing words, through I thought about doing that back then.

A friend of my sister had told me once that his favorite book was the dictionary. We had an expansive dictionary with a rhyming dictionary in it. I used to use it to write poems. I would pick a word with a lot of rhymes, and write a poem around the word (I was young give me slick). I didn’t always rhyme, but I loved that part of the dictionary.

I stopped writing poetry when my friend told me that I was a horrible poet, but now that I think about it, of course I didn’t compare to the professionals she was always reading. What mattered was that I loved to write them.

I’m going to have to find the power to continue artwork, and write while working. It would have been better if I had planned my time better this semester. Sleep.

Ummm, lets see. Oh, I have so much I want to do. The weather is so nice I want to walk; I want to play video games, and read manga. I want to read other stuff too. Yet without a job this all will fall apart. My nose feels like sleepiness, and the part between the eyes, and between the eyebrows too. Ahhh.

The contentment I felt when I entered the coffee shop has faded. I need to shift as my back feels out of place. I used to be called Stegosaurus back because my back bones where so visible. It sometimes makes me wonder if there is anything wrong with my back that I would be called this. Nah, it is just years of abuse from my back bag being too heavy.

I ponder how I could gain weight carrying this computer around, but then I remember my medication. Plus depression. I hope I am losing weight because I continue to walk with my bookbag. I walk uphill until my legs hurt (which isn’t very far) and past that point. One would think I am exercising, and I’m on less of the medication that makes me gain weight.

We shall see.

Back sore with tiredness mixed in with the soreness. Back soreness extends up into the neck splits at the shoulders.

New setting. I moved to a new location. Sitting outside of my next class to be more exact. The floor is hard, but comfortable enough. Not the kind of place for me to easily fall asleep. Oh how much I would like to sleep right now. An uncontrolled quiet thought entered my mind as if another mind had awakened, “help me.” It is fairly often (through not recently) that my mind is interrupted mostly when I am walking with a “Shut up.” ‘Shut up’ being the tamest out of the interruptions. I have developed a response. “@!`#$%!” says the uncontrolled voice. “Well, isn’t that nice.” says me.

This isn’t a voice like psychosis, but just a mental burp, some people have it about things around them. I happen to have it say one or two word negative statements about me.

Oooooo. It is after class now. I was told that if I came to the coffee shop with my receipt I would get a $2 grande coffee drink not that I would get a grande coffee drink for $2. Oh, woe is me. The drink was already made before I could say I was just stupid, and should have read the receipt before wandering back to the coffee shop.

I really don’t want to stay here long, but I am afraid that if I go to home (however short of a time it will be my home) I will go to sleep. Only I cannot do homework here, because there is no Internet. Yes, I am at one of ‘those’ coffee shops. Where should I do my work? I want to look at the sunlight for a while, the sunlight and the people. I have a wonderful window seat facing the outside.

I wish I had one more week, but I guess it would be full of readings. I know I will be able to work, but I need to pull my schooling mind together. My mind always feels a way (dull/tired). In times of weakness I could let that feeling overrun my ability to work. I was succumbing to this and finding comfort and writing, but no. I will work on my project NOW!

Last Thurs.

Ahhh, it is Thursday. My plan was to continue my story, but I think that can wait until classes are done. It will be the BIG done. No more college, and my mind is closing up already. Today for my Poetry class (I was hoping I would get to write Poetry, but we are just talking about it.) we went to the arboretum and recited the poems we had memorized and wrote a paper on. We had to explain the poem afterwards, and I hope I was clear.

I want to get a good job at the anime store in town. That way by reading manga I would be preparing for work, but this is not a serious job. I need a serious job…

I am in such a nice setting right now. I have bubble tea, and I am in the center of a love seat of brown leather. My body is relaxing from the effort of carrying my computer through the arboretum. I’m outside of the hot sun, and not freezing. It is like someone came in and set the thermostat to normal. So many people do not get the idea of room temp. It is taught in High School physics.

There are so many happy bubbles in this tea. I remember the first time I came here I was with my two dorm roommates. I had a less serious face, and the form (physically) I still remember myself in. I have had extra weight on for such a short time that when I look at myself reflected I do not see myself. A great deal of my life I have been a healthy weight, and what? A little over two years with ‘fat.’ That makes 20 years healthy vs two cursed by medication. Anyway, I can vaguely picture that time (when I first came here), and how good tasting whatever I ordered was. One of my roommates absolutely hated the tea.

Soon I will be done with college, and without thinking deeply into it I returned to a place I first came to right before classes started. There has to be something profound about it, but what upsets me now is that I am alone. I’m not here with my sister and her ex playing ‘Guess Who?’ or on that machine over there playing ‘find the difference’ in sexy male or female mode.

They have Chocolate Fondue here now. I keep on staring at the poster advertising it in front of me. The employees are laughing. Oh someone walked in. Now a little family has walked in, actually a sizable family with four children, and two parents. The children vary in age, and one might be in college, while another is around six years. They are about to play one of the many games the store has. Okay, I’m done staring at the customers. I might look weird or something. In heart I am a people watcher like my Mother, but unlike my Mother I cannot get away with it (age difference). Just a few glances here and there.

Oh now a Mother and baby walked in. Little little baby.
There are a number of interesting notes on my desktop. You see Apple has a Stickies program that you can put notes on. I have a number of class notes in them that I can only read the first line of. So my desktop will say “Muhammad manifested principle - messenger manifesting principle - Allah Principle in Itself” and I will have no idea what it means anymore. “Festive organization of the crowd” “hoffman –move – from hippie to broader” “Adu Bakr – Sunni”

For a more complete view of one of my one of the notes on my desktop I will read one to you:

“Old-fashioned in the space-age world of the early 1960's
many kinds of rides - Steeplechase burn - scar from slide
Gary Heiden loner like me
going down below (coney island's amusement area)
wonders of Orange Soda in the ruins - tried to sell - taste bad
Yoo-Hoo bottle caps
caring for animals - eating rabbits
shredding butterfly wings
fishing - scaring people to death
morning person
under Boardwalk with kunkies
odd jobs
parents were slobs
tar on beach
laughing clown
goblin women
Jackass Club
women
might have lost a few fingers because of watermelon
Mike women, cats, death”

lol I love my desktop. It is so confusing. As the background I have a bus schedule. So along with the letters of the names of the many files there are the numbers of the bus times. Add this to the two characteristic lines running up and down the screen from broken pixels. One red is and one blue. (This really adds to movies.)

I think of them as the lines that make fingerprints unique. Where are you going to find a copy of a DVD with two lines running through the screen? You cannot buy experiences like this. (Really I’m not selling my computer. It has so many programs on it that would be worthless on a new computer. Good programs! This would be one expensive computer to replicate without student deals (through art school’s and stuff) and expensive even with them.

I close my eyes and picture my computer box as I pick it up at the art school, and then I open it. I remember that feeling. A new computer would not bring it back. I have carried this computer on my back for four years. Sigh. Nice little computer. Nice heavy computer has kept me kind of healthy. Once I am done with college I will have to start working out, because I will not be walking around with my computer. Much sadness about this.

Chapter 2

-P.S. I am by no means a good fantasy writer, but this was fun to write... -

(Someone: I opened my eyes to see such beauty. I now know the meaning of the word. My breath is short and my heart beats so. I was looking in the cold steel reflection of myself, you are so ugly my head hurts just to look at your back, and you smell like cow poo.) Beth turns around in a snap dropping the paper. These cages aren’t empty. Look at all these tiny animals. They are hybrids mixed to together like that dragon-tiger-bunny. This is beyond human’s ability to play with genes… isn’t it? (Oh, how could something as hideous as you have been created. What foul beast did your Mother sleep with? You have the form of a human, but you should be hunted as to rid the land this freak.) Beth walked up and stared into the noisy cage. A human head on a lizard with wings stood on its hind legs shaking the cage door. “You want out? They didn’t even lock the cage. It is just too heavy for you to open. I’m going to call you Liz.” Beth pulls open the cage and carefully picks up Liz. The little creature’s wings flip reveling the feather’s blue and green. (Liz: How dare you try and kidnap me. I’ll pull off your nails one by one.) “I’m sorry I have to do this, but a cat could eat you so I am going to have to pull a thread or two out of my rugs and tie you to me.” Beth proceeded to do just as she had stated, as Liz continued to yell in Japanese. (Liz: Are you the barf of a demon who ate… and… and…)

A load explosion causes part of the ceiling to fall, and a creak to appear. Looking up Beth gasps, “Ka-fu.” (Ka-fu: To have returned home after all this time. Enkei [name] burn all the papers, and I will release my family.) (Enkei: Looks like they have set their eyes on that clueless lady we rescued. She will have to travel with us from now on out.) Kannouteki jumps a dagger ready to stab into Enkei’s back. Quick movement flashes before Beth’s eyes as she falls on her butt. Ka-fu is opening the cages one by one after all the papers disappear in a gust of wind. Beth looks up to briefly see the woman who had stared in at her in the prison run through a sliding panel carrying all the papers as Kan—kan kicked Enkei against the wall with such force that it left a bent. (Kannoueki: We were thinking of burning this place down to the ground anyways. Thanks for making up our minds.) “Bye,” said Kannouteki rather oddly before he disappeared in a flash.

(Ka-fu: Its best if you stayed with us little wimp.) Ka-fu poked Liz who was angrily watching all the other little hybrids go free as he was tied up. (Liz: At the very least you can distance me from this wretch.) Ka-fu grabbed the string tying Liz and broke it and then angrily bops Beth on the head. (Enkei: I suppose it is still pointless to tell you what is going on, but you loyally followed us last time. I’m guessing that hasn’t changed much.) Enkei points to himself. “Enkei,” Beth says her name pointing to herself, and pointing to the lizard hybrid she says, “Liz.” "L.. Liz?" Ka-fu asks the lizard. (Liz: Fine with me.) (Enkei: Ka-fu. Let go find a place rest, and explain things to Liz.)

***

Situated around a fire, Beth contently asleep after her first meal with meat in over a month, the talking began. (Ka-fu: They like to play with creatures, but that is just the beginning. They have excess to ancient knowledge, but they use it to seek out demons.) (Enkei: I don’t know what they plan to do with Beth over there, but they have a habit of pulling the powers out of people. The powers pounded in by generations. There is something strange about that girl, not just her language and height, but she seems more separated from the ground then I have ever seen.) (Ka-fu: There is nothing special about her. Couldn’t even lift a two-hand sword, and as slow as a blooming flower.) (Liz: Her a flower? The Earth farted out its rejected materials when it bore her.) (Enkei: Her figure was rounded when we first saw her. She is not ugly, but foreign. Yet somehow similar…) (Ka-fu: Similar? I would never be caught in public with a girl like that.) Ka-fu rolled up his shelves reveling a cow print of short fur that looks silky soft. He starts to lick it, his tongue coarse as a cat’s. (Enkei: People who say that always end up falling in love. It’s the balance’s way of spite.) (Liz: $%#@$ I better keep my mouth shut then.)

Night falls and the group sleeps peacefully in the cool summer air. All dangerous animals stay far away, having long ago learned the danger of the cow-cat-person, and his friend who always managed to fall into the background despite his great knowledge and cool attitude.

“Yummy yummy in my tummy! I feel so good. That was one good breakfast,” says Beth as she walked towards a village. (Ka-fu: You’re slow, and you eat like a…) (Enkei: Reminder the balance’s spite.) Ka-fu stops in his tracks, and then walks a few bigger steps to catch up. Liz flies high up above them singing. (Liz: Up here it doesn’t smell!) Below a group of travelers are passing the group. “Of course everyone stares at me when there is a human cow. I haven’t felt human for one second in this world,” says Beth and then she picks up energy and yells, “Gazelle, I will never give you tuna again!” (Ka-fu: She is talking to the sky, and I don’t think its Liz.) (Enkei: I was hoping we would get a little bet further before she lost it. Interesting language though.) Ka-fu jumps in front of Beth and then pokes her. “No catnap either!” Beth yells paying no attention to anything else. The travelers start talking amongst themselves: (I was saying that she shouldn’t be traveling with men before, but it is clear that she is insane.) Ka-fu holds Beth’s nose closed. “Hey stop that,” Beth squeaks batting at him. (Ka-fu: So you are back in reality again. Don’t do that when we are hiding or something.) Ka-fu bops Beth on the head. Beth has turned a bright red. (Liz: Onward to the village. Onward crazy, smelly, ugly, stupid…) (Enkei: Spite.) (Liz: EEP)

They walk into the village. "This village is so cute, and I smell so many wonderful foods. Just look at the signs the words are all in Japanese. Maybe they will teach me now? To be able to talk again, that would be so much fun! Not that I haven’t been talking. I heard that if you don’t speak for a long time your vocal muscles get weak. What shall I sing?" “A, B, C, D, E, F, G…” Beth sings. (Ka-fu: She is making a foul of herself again.) “Next time won’t you sing with me,” Beth finishes. Ka-fu is staring at her. “What?” she says as starts to pretend he isn’t there.

It is around lunchtime in the village. Beth has some pretty and practical new clothes. "Oh, I have so lost my mind." Beth is spinning around as Enkei is talking with an old man who he had bowed to quite politely while Ka-fu leaned against the walk cow-tail thrashing. The old man looked from Ka-fu to Beth was Enkei smile turned into hidden annoyance. As soon as the man looks back Enkei has a normal smile. (Old man: There is no need to be so formal with me.) (Enkei: Thank you Ko-sama. Have you picked up on any rumors?) (Ko-sama: All you can do for now is gain strength. The main palace is still beyond your power, and that is where they have pulled back all their resources. Enkei-kun I heard you were almost killed in the last battle.) (Enkei: How…) (Ko-sama: Lets just say a flower told me.)

Beth had stopped her spinning to watch and gasps as what she thought was a flower moved. It drifted in the air like a butterfly and landed on Ko-sama’s shoulder. (Ko-sama: Oh you are impressed little girl. Watch this.) Ko-sama pulled out a small bell and rung it. A panel slides open as dancing flowers drift in like snow. (Enkei: It is hard to notice something as small as one flower. You have been making creatures as well.) (Ko-sama: Ha ha ha. Making… no they have been part of the family for years. They make the perfect spy. She is not as stupid as she seems, just lonely. You should try to protect her. They want to play a game with her, because she is different.) (Ka-fu: They play so much already, who cares who it is, Ko-kun). (Ko-sama: Normally we don’t know who they will target. Who can look at a smiling face like that and not want to keep her from the suffering they would put her through.)

(Ka-fu: Well, we better teach her to fight then. Tell me what is her power.) Ko-sama looks at Beth and then closes his eyes in meditation. (Ko-sama: Oh, this is something I have never seen before. Her power is Love.) (Ka-fu: Great job that will do fighting.) (Ko-sama: Teach her the basics then. There is something else though. There seems to be some sort of block to her learning the language.) Enkei bows in goodbye, and the group make their way out of the village to a good place for training.

Ka-fu takes Beth’s hand and walks to a tree. (Ka-fu: Ok kick the tree like this.) Beth stands there watching Ka-fu kick the tree. Is he trying to show off or something? “Yes, I see you can kick a tree,” says Beth. Ka-fu puts his hands in his hair and moos. (Ka-fu: Ok, see this here dagger I am going to attack the tree.) He does as he says. I need popcorn. “You know that tree has feelings.” Ka-fu hands Beth the dagger and gestures to the tree. (Ka-fu: Attack.) “I’m not abusing a tree. Here take this back.” (Ka-fu: No don’t give it to me. Attack the tree. No. NO. NO. ATTACK THE TREE!) “Fine… poor tree.” Beth proceeds to stab the tree. Ka-fu hands her back the dagger guides her hand. (Ka-fu: Hold it this way. And move your arm like this.)

(Enkei: Oh, you’re back from training how did it go.) (Ka-fu: She has bad movement, but when I stated showing her how to move she got so into it her face turned red. I will have her fighting in no time.) Beth wonders back and sets by Enkei. "I killed a tree. How am I ever going to forgive myself? It is worse then having to step on a spider because everyone is yelling, 'Kill the spider! Kill the spider!' Spiders have purposes in life, and they do a good job at it." (Enkei: Yep, I can feel the passion coming from her.) (Ka-fu: I’m going to find an animal for her to practice her moves on.) (Enkei: Not yet. Not everyone is a cat like you.)

Out of the woods come wondering a slug-anteater of human size. (Ka-fu: Beth, Beth over her. Take this dagger.) Beth comes forward looking at the ground…"but I think it is fine to kill mosquitoes because they suck your blood and all. Mosquitoes are the only… well I guess I pull weeds." Ka-fu puts a dagger and Beth’s hand. Feeling the dagger she says, “What?” and then the monster catches her eye, “Oh.” She gets pushed forward and the monster dives for her. She tries to jump out of its way, but its long tongue warps around her neck and she is forced to cut it. “I don’t hold anything against you. We can just live peacefully not hurting each other,” Beth tries to explain, but the angry monster thinks otherwise, and again Beth has to use the dagger in order to ward the monster away. It just keeps coming for her, as if it is unafraid of pain or death. So much trying to never even hurt of bug. Beth turns on attack mode.

The monster lies dead. The sun sets red as the green maple leaves blow in the gentle perfect weather. It was a day you would dream of, surrounded by drafting flowers in the air. (Enkei: You have a lot to learn, but at least we have fresh meat.) It’s strange. I cannot help, but feel proud. “What are you doing?” says Beth putting her hand on Enkei. He is cutting into the monster. (Enkei: That’s the first time you touched me on you own. If you knew my language I would ask you not to. Your power is love, and I do not intend…) (Ka-fu: Like anyone would fall for that lame power. Sheesh) Liz flies down from where he had been circling overhead. Scaled red skin mixed with lose feathers a head like that of a handsome human male seemed completely out of place. (Liz: I have imagined the battles of old, and Beth would defeat the warriors who fought in them with such a battle as she fought today. They would die laughing.) (Enkei: With you flying around up there all day, do you think you could warn us next time.) (Liz: I don’t warn you when a bird flies by. That fiend was harmless. She looks better covered in blood. Smells better too.) Enkei winces. (Enkei: We didn’t buy her battle clothes. The blood will not wash out. We have to go to a bigger city if we want battle equipment for a woman.)

(Ka-fu: Beth, you walk so slow.) He proceeds to pick Beth up. “Put me down you cow.” Beth kicks and twists and punches, but Ka-fu just continues to move forward. (Enkei: Put her down.) (Ka-fu: Why. You are going to give in to a little girl?) (Enkei: If you want her to be able to fight she needs to be stronger. Consider this a part of training.) Ka-fu puts Beth down. “You crazy #$!@$#@@#$#@ $#@$!@. I only travel with you for the food!” (Liz: ha ha ha Sure sounds like fun down there. By the way, a huge monster is trailing us.) (Ka-fu: YES!) (Enkei: We haven’t had a chance to train in a while. I think you should stay out of the way Beth. You too Liz.)

A big human head flying in the air by the power of all the insect wings attached to it. Opens it mouth to revel not a tongue, but hundreds of anaconda bodies with human heads. That is so cool. Do they really have to kill it? Enkei disappears, and only a slight bit of something moving appears here and there. While when ever Ka-fu says, “Bu-mu” a golden cow appears that lighting strikes wherever he throws it. After much fast movement and many explosions Enkei and Ka-fu meet together. (Enkei: We have to use the power Ko-sama found in another land.) Ka-fu did an energy charge and a huge golden calf appeared by the head. Enkei took up two stone tablets and throw them at the calf. A tornado of water set the head into a spin and then when the water disappeared fire and brimstone rained down. The head was dead. Both Enkei and Ka-fu fell down unconscious.

“This is not good,” said Beth after she had settled them into a more comfortable location. “Oh, that was quite a show wasn’t it,” said Kannouteki. Beth turned around and held up the dagger that had been given her. “Do you really want to kill the only person who can understand you?” said Kannouteki. Beth said, “Don’t hurt anyone.” “Its is an interesting language you speak. Not Gaelic. Like I first looked into. It is not like Chinese at all.” Walking up to Beth, Kannouteki stopped the dagger that she had aimed for his neck like it was a fly. “Oh, there are those eyes again. Do you want to continue traveling with these gentlemen and creatures that cannot understand you, or do you want to learn from me?” said Kannouteki.
“You do horrible things to animals,” said Beth.
“Don’t you think that these two just did a horrible thing to that head? They killed it.”
“Its different. It attacked. You hurt helpless animals.”
“Hurt? You’ve had surgery with me. Nothing hurts at all. How is it any different from those people back in England and the experiments they are doing? They even torture people for no reason.”
“I’m not from England.”
“Right, your Gaelic, and the English do horrible things to your people. Yet, you speak their language.”
“I’m American, and that kind of thing stopped centuries ago.”
“You are an interesting one. You even talk weirdly. I guess it must be you learned improper English. I had to do quite a bit of work to uncover the way your English works. You see this ball thing here. I had it with me when I was talking to you. I have it with me all the time. You wouldn’t understand, but it picks up things from up here,” said Kannouteki at the end tapping Beth on the head.
“That would be brainwaves,” said Beth.
“Oh you do understand, I don’t have to explain then,” said Kannouteki.
“It read my mind.”
“No, it recorded your mind, and it would react to what I said in the way that you would react. It is quite a fun game, and I wiggled out your language with the help some scrolls of real English. You really get to know a person through this, but it is limited,” said Kannouteki. Beth choose not to continue humoring someone how had clearly betrayed her. “So you don’t want to learn. What a shame. I wasn’t expecting this, but this ball’s power is limited. I guess I will let them live for now, for your sake. I was just along to make sure the head didn’t kill you. You have a surprise coming to you.” Ku ku ku ku. Kannouteki disappeared the dust on the ground was unsettled in the air. There was a line of where he must have gone in the dust, but then it all fell to the ground.

Hello world care for a story? Chapter 1

This story was just fun to write. It is meant to be cheesy.

Chapter 1
***

“Do you want to do some fan-art, or a story? Rairakku can fall in love with you?” said Bee. “That is so out of character that it is not even funny. How many people do you think have written that? Really, if you want to get anywhere writing you have to get beyond being a fan-girl. How old are you anyway? You know he is a teenager now don’t you?” said Beth.
“But almost all manga characters are teenagers. He is also two-dimensional. You have to get beyond that. You have to picture yourself as if you were a teenager. You liked Ka-fu didn’t you?” said Bee.
“I did, and I was a teen at the time.”
“Well he didn’t get any older.”
“He is like over 50.”
“Anyway, write this. My teenage self will magically appear before Rairakku. Naturally he will try to kill me, but in order to save me the same force that made me appear makes him fall so in love with me that he stops. In order to stop Rairakku it has to be pretty strong love, and…”
“You know Rairakku is gay don’t you.” said Beth.
“He is not, and he is not EMO either,” said Bee.
“You are so lame. Can’t you pick someone interesting for me to write about? I know the Scarlet Pimpernel!”
“You so used a “!” didn’t you? You’re calling me lame? What does ‘pimpernel’ mean anyways?”
“Pimpernel is a fancy word for Pimp.”
“lol That is such a lie.”
“gtg ttyl”
“Ok, bye.”

Beth pushed her office chair away from the wooden table with an oddly placed computer and shelves of old CD’s and even floppy disks. “I’m done with fan-stories. They are retarded. Right Gazelle. Gazelle?” said Beth before she started to spin around in her office chair looking at the ground. “Here Kitty, kitty, kitty.” said Beth making the ‘t’s roll.

Gazelle jumped up onto the table. Purr. “Oh you cute little snowshoe and your cute little white paws. You’re so pretty,” said Beth.

“Thank you,” said Gazelle and Beth almost fell out of her chair. Gazelle continued “Oh, don’t be a baby and give me the whole OMG scene. I am no longer Gazelle. I am a god of disarrangement, and as I have been hearing you like to add your own artistic license to other worlds. These are worlds that others have created. You see the very thought of a possible thing, a daydream perhaps, makes that world real.”

“I’m sorry. I will go delete my stories,” said Beth.
“I have a better idea. Close your eyes.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You’re going to blink sooner or later so if you want to be prepared…

*blink*

A teenage girl, Beth, stands in the middle of a field. All around of the field and scattered within Japanese maples are a bright spring red. A four-story tiger-dragon-bunny jumps towards her. Standing over her white-hot fire streaming out of its mouth and upward. Its long scaly neck is a mixture of soft tiger fur and bluish-green scales. In its mouth its two front teeth are those of a rabbit, square and seemingly harmless. A flash of purple jumps between her and the rabbit, and a man speaking in a language she does not understand comes up behind her. His arms are out toward her offering.

The man in a long robe walks up to Beth and takes her hands in his. Holding them up between their chests, and speaking in Japanese. There is a moment of silence. “Excuse me I don’t speak that language. Do you know English?” says Beth. Beth hears some sort of response, but it certainly wasn’t English. Beth’s eyes are like those of a deer. There is a bunny-tailed monster, and a man who doesn’t speak English. “OMG!” screams Beth as she runs away from the Bunny-thing. It bounds after her and is about to land right on top of her, when it is cut into two. Beth is covered in monster blood.

Wiping her eye clean from the mess, she sees someone in a purple outfit, long black hair, and a tail of a cow. “Ka-fu,” gasped Beth.

***

Beth is covered in mud and has just finished working on the farm. She still knows very little Japanese, and no one dares to teach her. She was dropped off here after being rescued by hand holding dude and cow dude, and she hadn’t seen them since. The people in the village look at Beth as some kind of demon, with blue eyes and a weird face. Almost no one talks to her. They built her a little shack and give her leftovers for working. Today she has the energy to go swim in the lake.

Unnoticed on the cliff of the lake are a rat, and a cat, and a Mat, and a bat, and a whale. The whale floats in the air the size of a calf, and they are all talking.
Mat says, “It is about time we offer translation to the audience.”
The bat says, “I think we should offer her some more strength training.”
The cat (Gazelle) says, “We could make her go through years of this, but then she will learn the language. We cannot have that. It would be too boring to have her understanding things. The time is now. In Japan before it was reopened to the world. A long time ago.”
“Alright.” they all say together.

Back in the lake Beth does her best to clean her hair. A pretty boy walks by the water with silk embroidered robes. Beth hides in the water with just enough room for her nose to breathe. What do I say? What do I say? (Pretty Boy: I did come to the water to see a crane, but spotted something rare indeed. How could you find eyes that mock the spring sky?) “Do you speak English?” said Beth. (Pretty Boy: You speak in such an elegant disguise. Words that whisper winter warmth. I think I could lose my self within blissful sighs.) “Sigh. What are you doing this isn’t a co-ed pool. You don’t throw fancy clothes like that on the ground. Sexual harassment!” (Pretty Boy: I’m just kidding. I was just trying to get you to speak intelligently. I see you are truly out of place not just in face, but in speech as well.) Pretty Boy turned his back to Beth crossing his arms and looking straight ahead.

Beth understood that he was enabling her to get out and put on some clothes. Soon she was in a set of raggedy robes and tennis shoes. Pretty Boy stared at her shoes while Beth pointed to herself and said, “Beth.” Pretty Boy pointed to himself and said, “Kannouteki.”

(Kannouteki: Come with me across water and mountains, we will fight the racial discrimination against bi-racial union… I hope you are fine with us not getting married and just having an affair. You are cute, but I don’t think my parents would approve. Come here.)

Beth starts to walk away from Kannouteki. He looks at this considers what to do and then Kannouteki pulls out some yummy smelling food. The process works. Kannouteki leads Beth through rocky mountain trails and a forest path. “How much longer are you going to make me walk before you give me some of that? What the…”

A palace appears on the turn of the corner. (Kannouteki: You know you wouldn’t be very hard to abduct. Just following a strange man through secluded areas. Maybe it is because I am so good looking? My charms transcend language.)

They get to the gates keeper who does the head to the floor bow that Beth has seen in so many manga. Big deal. I could tell by his clothes he wasn’t poor.

(Kannouteki: Take this lady and take care of her. Be sure to give her a good bath.) (Guard: Yes: Kannouteki-sama) Kannouteki bites into the yummy food. “Hey, hey. You tease; I knew that you were a traitor,” Beth says as she is dragged off into the palace.


How did I end up in prison? I get forced by a group of women to take a bath where they scrub me until I’m pink, and now I’m here on rice and water. How long has it been? "Oh home on the range. Where the deer and the buffalo.. range. Where seldom is heard…" Tap, tap, tap. Two people are coming towards your cell. Tap tap tap. A young women, with nothing outstanding about her stares in. (Nakaguri: Oh Kannouteki, look at that prize. I’ve never worked with someone with such eyes, and that face. I’ve looked in the books for someone who looks like you say; she is from far away indeed. I guess we will see what luck the Gaelic is. If it is any luck at all.)

Chapter 2

(Kannouteki: There is no need to whimper. I know that you can feel no pain. I just need to put this in a safe place where you cannot dig it out.) Beth’s chest is cut open and her beating heart is exposed. She is still in the prison, but a table has been brought in for the operation. Ha ha. They have me tied down when I am so afraid I couldn’t move. Kannouteki leans over and whispers in Beth’s ear (Kannouteki: I am going to put a love note in around the main vessel of your heart, so that wherever you go, I will find you. That is the power of Love. Just the word alone written on a piece of paper can be tracked.) He pulls out a silk clothe dripping with honey. Beth’s chest gets closed up, and not even a scar remains. Silk in my body… that is going to get infected and kill me, but I just went through surgery without pain, so…

The sound of a small battle is heard from outside. A familiar voice says “Bu-mu!” An explosion rocks the palace with such force the prison door falls down. “Bye.” Beth yells as she runs out. I know what will happen, I will get caught, but if everyone else is busy with the chaos maybe I can get away from Kan-nou… Kan. (Kannouteki: What do you expect me to run after you? Go have a little more freedom while we get things ready. Well I guess you should have to earn that freedom. Guard, don’t let that prisoner go, catch her) Ku ku ku.

Beth found a creak in the wall of the prison is now running through the palace. Look at all these priceless artifacts breaking. I cannot focus on it… Run. Run. Run. Lets try left. Now right. This place is like a video game, but I don’t have time to play. #$%# there is a guard! As a guard comes running at an altogether healthy speed, having eaten better food then Beth, Beth’s foot hits a panel, and the bottom moves inward like a garbage shot. I didn’t think they had these in Japan in whenever this is. Lets hope there isn’t a monster or a squishing machine like the garbage shot scene in Star Wars. ‘Garbage shot’ you are my only hope. Beth jumps into the little panel area, and lands on cushioned ground. Seating cushions are piled on top of each other. Clearly this is supposed to be an entrance. Rows of cages line one sidewall and technical equipment, and papers line the rest of the room. Beth walks up to a piece of paper and touches it. Words and pictures dance across its surface. When she touches one word the ink moves creating new words and pictures. It is like a computer screen, only in ink… on paper. How is this done?

[End of writing…. for now]
***


In my dream I was playing the Sims 2. The pool in the yard became a great abyss that I journeyed into. There were many little pools at different depths, which were connected together. I ran into sloth and anger, but this was just the tip because next came the devil. I made a deal with him.

I exited the abyss, and soon found myself driving down a road comparing cars. Then I saw someone who was in the team of the devil driving with someone young. I was outraged that someone so young would be involved with such a thing, and I soon brought it up in a meeting.

That is what I remember.

***

Yesterday I wrote until the point that I was enjoying it a little too much. When chocolate has as much impact as it was having on me you begin to realize that someone is bordering on the limit of become hypo-manic. Yet I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to continue to write for just a while longer before a late bedtime. My sister borrowed my computer and having the chance to write torn away from me, I concluded it was time to sleep.

While I was walking home yesterday I saw the spaces in-between things intensely. Instead of looking at objects as was watching the depth between me and that beyond a tree disappear one by one. I could almost feel the moment when that depth disappeared and my vision curved round the back of the tree. The next tall thin thing became the next dividing line.

In a coffee shop

Today I was saved by the headache. The Prof canceled class due to a headache. I wasn’t prepared for class, and it was a class that requires participation. I thought I would have to explain to my Prof. that I wasn’t lazy, I was planning on waking up early to finish more of the reading, but had trouble sleeping.

Yes last night my head was sleepy, my eyes tired of reading, but I could not sleep for quite a while.

Anyway, I had four hours of sleep, and my doctor says if I cannot sleep that I must MUST sleep in, but this is where life and sickness rub up against each other. Just like wanting a job and sleeping so much are toxic. School is taking up so much of my time. I thought 5 credits would be a push over, but it is so condensed (because summer course are shorter) that I have to spend more time then planned. So aside from DBT. (Dialectical behavioral therapy and sleep I spent all day reading yesterday. :(

On Fridays I find my brain unable to focus at all. I like this medication combination in that I don’t want to kill myself, but if I am not hard pressed to finish reading my mind wonders and I have to read the same thing over and over again. “What does that mean?” “I don’t know what this sentence is saying!” It just doesn’t register in my mind. I have to take things slowly until somehow my brain switches on, and all that cloudiness disappears, and I can read with the same retention as I did before medications.

It just takes so long to get to that point. When I was younger I recognized this point in reading as the point where the voice in your head disappears and you are drawn into the story. Back then it was very quickly that I was pulled in and the reality that this is a book, and I am just reading faded into the background. Who would have thought that I would have to work so hard to regain this, but I am sure that if I continue to read it will become easier to fight through the medication.

Even if I have brain medication I am able to write, so of course I will some day regain focus? What I am doing now takes focus, but I guess the flow from topic to topic in my head makes it easier to keep on writing and not get trapped in a corner.

Gamine. Gamine is a strange word (my eye drifted to the word of the day on google). I’m going to have to get moving soon. Off to class.

a post that has been hanging out on my laptop

Going through the levels of the world of the dead. Traveling on an elevator filled with sickening things we moved slowly upward. We came across many demons, a family of sorts. We started the quest of looking for the beard of Sesshomaru-sama. It would appear that someone had been posing as Sesshomaru-sama and had stolen the beard from its rightful heir.

We started out explaining to this person about what the real Sesshomaru-sama looked like through a children’s book where he was drawn partially in reflecting metal…

Lets just leave my dreams last night at that. It was a mixture of three anime, but I cannot remember exactly all the details. A vague idea rests in my head that I cannot pull out into words. I was important somehow. Protecting something.

Oh Kagome. Now that I know what happens in the ending (of Inuyasha) though the wonders of translators and websites that revel the ending (of the manga) long before the manga will be officially translated and released in America. Ku ku ku ku. (evil laughter)

It is complete. After all these years I finally know. Lets just say I started the Series before I was a Senior in High School and I ended in when I was about to be done with college. There was a huge gap in between finishing the TV series (online in the form of SUB((titles))) and going back and reading the last of the manga.

So even with my cheating (ku ku ku) it took so so very long. Soon is a relative term. So to some it would seem that I completed the series very soon after starting it, but it did not seem that way to me. Only recently has my viewpoint of time been altered by the time it take for medications to work.

Oh my liver x-ray thingy turned out fine. I have no stones or anything. It is just that the lab results are complaining. It almost feels like my body is hiding everything when it gets checked up, but thank God it cannot hide from lab results. Or can it?

Hey that is a nice house. (Across the street.) I never noticed it before.

Stupid body. Belly too big. Lies to Doctors. Come on body tell the Dr. that you haven’t had a period for a long time… and there is no way you have a baby in your tummy (Thank God, after this long the baby would be hurt by my medications beyond repair!).

So I was going to do so much today… so very much, but I got busy… sleeping. Ku ku ku ku. So I slept and dreamed and woke up, looked at the clock, slept some more, and… I wish upon a star that someday without tiredness or mental instability I will be able to sleep 8 hours a night. That way I will have more life to live and less life to sleep.