Yesterday's (Sunday's) post

I have the habits of a recluse, but at the same time I love people. It is just given the chance (and with little money) I shelter myself inward, into my room. I read the anime Deathnote (I’m not ruining the story you can figure this out in the first few pages), and I thought if I had a death note (a notebook that the names written in it die) I would never write in it, I would burn it, but then I thought of the most wanted list. The people that are so dangerous the world wants them dead or alive.

Would it be any different then going to war and killing people to take out the most wanted? From then on wouldn’t it be a slippery slope down to what Light was doing?

This said, the anime Inuyasha (in the manga form not TV) is almost done. After years of waiting I will know the end. What a relief. Oh and unlike some TV series that follow the manga page by page and word by word Naruto does not.

Should I wake up (call) my sister yet… is she sleeping? Is she too busy to go to mass?

Ok. While I was doing other stuff she called. Lets see my mind has woken up considerably, which would make more sense if I hadn’t deleted a big bit of writing about how my brain feels because I decided not to be melancholy again. I’m going outside. See ya. … I guess I will stay a little bit more and confess that it is a little bit hard for me to write something that isn’t melancholy. Habit I guess.

***

His dark black hair was short and to the point. There he was kneeling in that hall with an enormous ceiling and clear light all around. His last day, but he was prepared for in case it was not. Big birds flew up in the rafters, human birds looking like angels. They were the only birds the only sounds that filled the air anymore, but now they were silent waiting for the end of a man.

***

I’m trying to switch the yellow plug in my head from input to output. It just takes so much effort to create. Oh... I’m back from mass. Something inside of me wants a restful sleep. You know, the type that would come in the middle of a field… if there were a bed and few bugs. The warm air replacing the need for a blanket, but there are cotton sheets to snuggle in. The sun might be up, but you have sun tan lotion on and it doesn’t matter you can just sleep until you are full.

Just playing around on Illustrator

Hello Sir or Madame,
This is loosely based on my cat Cecilia. The markings are nothing the same through. If I gave it some extra time I think it could go somewhere, but I like to work from photo's in Illustrator. Something you can tell I am not doing here.

Put the photo in the back layer. Pen tool in a layer above it, and then hide the back layer to see if it looks right. Blah blah blah...

All I know is that I had to do it for the first digital course I took and I loved it. Not that I don't like this... its just they end up with completely different results.

I am not going to go into all the... man my hand is sore from resting on my computer and the Yoga earlier today. Anyway here is the energy and fun spirit of my kitty! I guess I could take the concept of my kitty's energy to a whole new level.

I tried to make this something that I would pick to put on my website... I look for unique... not quite there this time. I will have to try again.

Wonderful wonderings

I need to warm back up on writing posts. When classes ended I took a break from my computer. Now I do not have the money to take it to the coffee shop so I still do not carry it around. What did I do? I looked for jobs, and played video games on a system my brother had given me.

I bet a Final Fantasy I had played while I was in elementary. It was awesome looking back. I thought, “This meant so me back then. I connected with these characters on a level that I cannot anymore. I had a crush (like) thing on two of these characters!” What happened to me? My brother never lost this ability, why did I?

What is wrong with me? For a while I drafted back into the world of my childhood. I shifted into the story I had been writing in my head since (or before) I show J.K. Rowling on the Rosie O’Donald show for her first book. It was in my head before, but not with the intention to write it down.

Walking around I would daydream about it, letting my focus lose itself whenever it was possible. I wanted to run when I was thinking of action scenes (I used to run through my home… I started as practice for track… which I joined up until we started having matches because I didn’t like the idea of competing with others, I just like running with others.)

Yet this desire to daydream exited as quickly as it had come back.

I hope I can make it through tonight with only eight hours of sleep. I made it last night. (As I wrote about.) A good sign, but it has happened before that I will have one day with normal hours of sleep and then fail back into the ocean of dreams the next day. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to sleep eight hours and then be unable to sleep more? To be an early bird or a late bird, but whichever one I would choose it would be on a healthy amount of sleep.

Oh, and I am rational so it isn’t any sort of Mania. If anything I am still a little on the too calm side of things. If I could just get this sleeping thing in order then I would be set. I am not depressed (it seems that it was seasonal last time). I am not gaining weight. Not wasting money… that much. Not feeling ill… etc. There is however one side effect that most people would call quits on right away. It took a year to build up, sigh. My pDoc knows don’t worry. I guess I have a life of no alcohol (interaction with medication) and sex (side effect) ahead of me. There will however be drugs…legally proscribed ones.

This is some good stuff. Tazo’s Matcha mixed with Happy Milk. Now I remember!!! Last night while I was trying to sleep I started to think about real Matcha and I told myself that I would make myself some when I got up the next day. Maybe that is what woke me up. My subconscience likes Matcha!

The thing with Tazo’s Matcha is that as you have more of it your taste buds adapt to the taste so you need more and more of the Matcha mix so it is best to not overdo it like I did when I first decided it was a good way to replace the price of coffee shops. When you haven’t had it in a long time, and you have some really good milk… I am so blessed.

My sister gave me a Coach purse. I can have good peanut butter and jelly. I even had an interesting dream yesterday. (When you sleep as much as I do it is a good thing if you remember your dreams or else there would be a great void in your life.)

Dream:
I was at a museum in Italy, and there was a school attached to the museum. Walking around in the artists’ studios a student see us and get upset, “You are not supposed to be here.” Quick on my feet I tell a white lie, “I am here because I was thinking of joining your masters program.” As I say this I lose focus of the studios and think, “No, I thought I was tired of art school and couldn’t face anymore. If I were to go back I would like to master a medium first, I should take classes at the art center until I am ready.” The rest of the dream was about a comparing this school in Italy to my art school. Is the artwork better? It is Italy after all.

Discovering Local (Fresh) Milk, and the Secrets of Milk

I have gone from Dancing Furby’s and Mac and Cheese to today. I finished up this semester’s college courses, reading like crazy and even breaking a few of my Doctor’s rules. All my requirements at the Art School are done; all I need are a few electives. It wasn’t long before I started looking for a job, and not just a summer one.

Today? Today I woke up after eight hours of sleep. At first my body was still asleep so I lay there. My mind stayed awake and when it started to think awake thoughts (that I could go to the park or exercise) my body had the energy to get up. I didn’t end up working out, or doing Yoga. Okay, I’ll do some yoga.

After doing Yoga, stopping to get Happy Milk… and medication… I call Milk from Calder Dairy ‘Happy Milk.’ My Mom insists that the milk in grocery stores also contains milk from local farms, some of which treat that cows really well. Yet for some reason Calder Dairy milk tastes better. It is either not as fresh in the grocery store or the mean cow farmers (milk from lots of farms is all mixed together) is messing it up.

Either way I found my relatively cheap (compared to Grape Juice) source of liquid (other then water) to replace all the fruit juices I used to drink. I get the best Skim milk I’ve ever tasted, and the nutrients that go with it, If you can find Skim milk so good that you want to have more then one cup of it a day then Yay. Honestly… I have not tired their 2%, but I have had the whole milk and natural milk.

When I got the natural milk it was because the store was all out of Skim and 2%. The dude in store assured me that if I take out the stuff on the top the rest is like Skim milk. So I think the difference between milk and natural milk is that one has been mixed in such a way that it is the same fat level throughout the milk (homogenized – homeostasis) while milk naturally is Skim with a layer of intense cream on the top… really intense. I had no container to store it in and I didn’t want it to go to waste so I drank it. I figured being hit with fat randomly wasn’t going to kill me just as long as I don’t make a habit of it.

So now I know how cream is made… how is anyone going to ever read my Blog if I spend so long just talking about milk?

Post from even earlier in last week

I stuffed myself today (yesterday). Cereal, yogurt, rice, beans, bread, and honey is a little too much don’t you think? Then my sister handed me my Easter candy… I am the bottomless pit. Every part of me either wants to go out (outside of my apartment) even after all the money I spent on groceries. I am trying to save money here. Outside or sleep is what my body is calling for. Make up you mind…my mind! Give me the feeling like you would like to be working out, or sleepiness but do not change it to tired eyes so soon afterward wanting to do something.

Yesterday over. I woke up today at 5, 6,7, 8 and many little times in between glancing down at my clock. Oh no! Did I remember to open the shades for my Bonsai…I think?

Today is one of those ‘special’ days! It is a Support Group day! Yay! That means I will not have the reading for class done tomorrow, but I find I take better notes if I have no idea what this Prof. is talking about because he tends to repeat the text as if we didn’t just read it.

I seem to have withdrawn a little from the Support Group. One time I couldn’t get a word in, and another I sure to let others have time to speak. I wonder now, after experiencing not getting a chance to speak (which I had had a dream about beforehand)… I wonder if I was talking so much before my decrease in Zoloft (which makes me make talkative) that other people felt the same way because of me?

Isn’t it a little strange all the changes that medication can have on a person? It can help so much, or (if it is wrong) hurt so much. Oh, and it can also be both. My lips are chapped.


I’ve taken care of some details today. I wish I could just sleep. Ok. Energy is back. I have some good music. I’m not saying where I got it. Measure in love. 525,000 min. how do u measure the life of a woman or man? I wish my belly wasn’t getting so big.

I am having serious writers block today. I have some serious editing to do. I am waiting for some feedback and then I’m off on my quest… the quest of getting things together.

Post from sometime last week

My Senior Project is over, but I need to keep posting because Blogs are ongoing. I realized that last night (having no refills for my Lamictal 100mg I filled the 200mg) when I suddenly had 200mg instead of 100mg I accidentally took three 200mg. Ouch. Waking up this morning my coordination was a little off, and I didn’t realize why at first. I, however, am perfectly fine now and have called my Doctor… well the office of my Doctor because I do not have her number. She did not call me back right away so it must be fine. I’m a little off beat, and my Professor thinks I am a little faster then usual.

I did some research this morning (I know I should be working on school stuff) and I am afraid because I think I came across a site that said a sudden increase in Lamictal can increase the risk of a rash. I could not find out if 600mg qualified as an overdose.

My Doctor called and I will not tell you what she said to do for fear you will just follow her advice and not talk to your Doctor if you do the same.

My Doctor is, however, decreasing my Lamictal because of my liver, which does not like all the medications I am on. I will watch out to see if I start not wanting to live again, because I do incredibly like wanting to live. It is a relief (I always spell relief as releaf and have to fix it because of a student group I was in) and a happiness to want to live, but my liver does not like it.

I should be putting together my life instead of writing. School is my life.

I turned in my project today

Yesterday was a Series of Unfortunate Events. I read the first book and didn’t like it because a grown man should not be… wait I could mess up the whole book for you. If you plan to read it skip to the next paragraph. A grown man should not be trying to marry a child and I do not enjoy reading about child abuse.

There, anyway I had to go to Kinko’s to print something on sticker paper. Yet on an expedition the day before I was sent to a Kinko’s way out of my way, so I had my sister drop me off. I assured her that I would find my way back somehow.

So after waiting a long time at Kinko’s, the dude kept on helping people who came in after me, and taking forever, I found myself walking to a bus stop, but soon discovered it did not run on the weekend. So I walked for quite a while until I hit a spot where I went into a CVS and got some medication. After getting some 17 cent Easter candy. I walked out and saw a bus!

I had already stopped at The Produce Station and compared the prices of local farmer’s milk that is so fresh it comes in glass (old fashion styled) vs. cartons. It was up against a kind that is also very good. I know you think all milk is created equal, but some cows are happier and healthier and produce happier healthier milk.

If only I could hand you a glass of really fresh milk. A lot of people can only imagine how good Michigan milk tastes. As pointed out in the book Animal Vegetable Miracle, milk like wine might have different tastes in different areas. She points out that in the rain rich rolling grass hills of Ohio on an Amish farm (factory farms are not connected with nature -me) the milk might be really good. Michigan also has rain rich rolling hills!

In reality I do not know if Caldor dairy does have happy cows, but they use no growth hormone, and offer tour of their farm. They do home delivery in some areas. It would be awesome to have milk boxes like mall boxes. A solar/wind powered milk box (you have to keep it cold). I’m going into creating my own world again. Who is up for getting apartment complexes to band together and create a milk day!

Best Skim milk I have ever had (couldn’t find 2%, must have been sold out).

So we are all missing out on good milk. Soon the land of milk and honey will not be nearly as appealing as it once was. It will be the land of tasteless milk and expensive (bee shortage) honey.

When (if) I get through this college thing. I will be free at last! I would go out and work somewhere else today instead of just going home, but I have good milk waiting. Do you think I can make it if I go home? Do you think I will go back to sleep?

Tasty skim milk…better then any I could buy at school, or wasting more money on coffee. You know, I think I can face this challenge. I will go home and not sleep.

I took a trip down memory lane, and bought some Phish Food yesterday. I discovered that it is no longer my favorite ice cream. My new favorite goes to Hagen-das with their white chocolate raspberry truffle. It was yummy yummy yummy. So take that Ben and Jerry, you have been outdone!

Right now I am in only one layer. I had to take off two layers because it was so warm in here. Will I be done with the art school? Will I make it? I cannot stay here much longer.

I did not go home. I looked into my Whole Foods bag, and found a Free Beverage Coupon my sister had given me the day before. I need to call my Doctor today! Oh, yay! Ten minutes until the moment of doom. What will I hear?

“Lisa you are so unhealthy you need to go to the hospital right away.”

“But….but but. I am so close to being done. Give me three more weeks.”

“You are at the risk of having a heart attack or worse! You think having ones foot act up is annoying, just you wait.”

Of course things should not be that bad, really who has to hang out in a hospital when they are able to go to school? If anything I will be told to watch out, exercise, eat healthy, etc.

Ah ha! I need another blood test in six weeks because of my liver. :(