Voices in the dark

I had known something was wrong for a long time; I just couldn’t get the voices of my critics out of my head. I thought I was insane. One night I looked into the mirror and thought I could almost gouge out my eyes.

That night I drank extra tea and ate extra spaghetti because I felt that tonight was the night demons were going to be pulled out of me. Before going to bed I made this piece of artwork (this writing is for a presentation to be given to a group of elderly). That night in my mind I could hear three people talking as they pulled the demons from my body. They used rather fowl language.

The next day I woke up and went to a coffee shop and later a restaurant to award myself for making it through the school year. I was trapped in a current of changing thoughts that no matter how illogical all seemed to make sense. I came to the conclusion that I was died and need to transcend to the next level of being.

At first I thought that my roommate would help me, but I could not find him so I, being Catholic, went to Saint Mary’s Student Parish, for aid in transcending into heaven, or wherever it took me. I was afraid I was trapped in hell. At Church I asked the people there to help me, and they sent me to the Menial Hospital.

It was there that I was put into a small little room, with a single couch, food and a magazine. I drank a little milk. There was also a red button in the room. I was afraid I was in hell, and that in the end I would end up pushing that button over and over again each time hoping for something to happen. I sang out hoping that my song would reach heaven. I thought that if I was in hell, but I could still remain in love with God. I was afraid I would sing until my voice was gone, and then sink into despair. A great while later I was taken out of the room. It was light when I when into the room and pitch black when I was put into the ambulance to be taken to another hospital one that was covered by my family’s insurance. I was diagnosed as Bipolar type I with psychosis. It wasn’t until over a year later that I was re-diagnosed as Schizoaffective Bipolar.