Music

There is nothing that can wake you up quite like a good song. Sure coffee might speed up your heart, but music gets your soul dancing. I wish I had better control over my brain. My brain that extension of my body that controls so much of me. I can only hope that my soul still wants to live. I can hope that my soul knew that taking 150 aspirin would just destroy my organs, and that as soon as I called the emergency hotline to have someone to talk to as I died my soul knew I would get to the hospital in time to avoid serious damage.

My soul had complete control over the situation, and it has foresight beyond anything my physic can master. It was my soul that walked me safely to get help while I was manic and unable to think clearly. It was my soul that tricked my mind into taking that first bit of medication.

I guess these things might also be thought of as God. If it was God then he/she has taken good care of my family and me. Do you think that God has really stepped in and guided me though the worst.

I have a lot more faith then I admit. For one thing I am talking to air (by talking I mean writing on the web). Not always a very sign. Another thing is I continue based on what others insist to take medications. I also put faith in what everyone says about being able to find a better job after going to college. When I am riding in a car I have faith that in every single one of those other cars is another person living another life. These might surprise you being as leaps of faith, but they are. For all I know my medication could be sugar pills that are supposed to create the illusion that they are making me better so I feel better. It is possible that some of those other cars are actually just machines used to create the illusion of more people, so we do not feel lonely.

Now that I am done writing about nonsense I will go on to… I will on to stop writing.

So yawnful and sleepy

yorkie
Originally uploaded by RedTea.

So thoughts of killing myself are dieing down (at least something is dieing so I am content). So far Zoloft is side effect free. I still am able to sleep up to 11 hours on the weekends, and I yawn a lot during the day. I think that this change will work for me unless it destroys my liver.

I did some video editing today, and am hungry. I am wondering if my sister is done working out so we can do something like go to JoAnn Fabrics to get a fabric screen for my video piece. I cannot ask my brother. He has the flu. I'm so yawnful. So yawnful that it is almost impossible to think of killing myself. There goes another bus to central campus.

Cute!!!

Cute!!!
Originally uploaded by RedTea.

EE thats me. side effect of medication changes a stress releaving medication, and an up in the amount of Lamitical to 300mg to keep me calm. My thoughts of killing myself have never been so clear.