More for today!

I’m chatting a little while I’m talking to you know so if I seem even more like I have A.D.D. forgive me. In reality when I was younger I had a focus that very strong. That is how I did well in school. Science most of all just captivated me. I was amazed by the ‘possible lies’ that were thought to me. After all, people used to believe that you could tell if a person would be a criminal by the shape of their head and facial features. Isn’t it comforting thinking that you can explain things with formulas? Once you experience something impossible this foundation cracks.

So I turned away from Science and faced another world to that of Tarot, but at the same time my religion frowned upon this. So the war that used to be between Science and Religion (some think this war still exists) was taken up by me in the form of Magic vs Religion. Religion was makes it seem Magic is possible, but it would be more correct to look at it as miracles not Magic. Magic is something humans can call upon and control while in Religion we can only ask for aid.

I wonder if my ancestors ever visit me? My ancestors include a Nun and Monsignor or two. They would be happy to see me, as a Catholic too wouldn’t they? Would they understand that old need I used to have to connect something supernatural, or when I was in love to know if I was loved back? To ask, “Am I going to fail this course (which I would pass with an A or B in the end)?”

Somehow I stopped caring. I don’t need to know the future I’ll just follow the wave that is life. Who needs to connect the supernatural, I’ll have forever to do that, and I only will be alive now. Unless we are reborn on Earth in which case I still have a lot of time so why rush.

Somehow for a while I lost my nervousness and I didn’t know how to drive myself without nerves. Yet today I do feel like using Tarot cards… not to see the future, but to touch the other side.

I was always… I could quite say envious, but awed and looking up to those Saints that where about to see God. I wanted God, Jesus, Mary, Angels or other holy things to become visible to me. If I could see this I would know that I would be guided by God and I could go out and help the world. I could take the risk of not going to college, and living a life of what I had been taught in Religious class, but the holy never became visible to me.

So I went to art school. I wanted to get into the University so much and I felt that art was the only way that I could get in. My plan was to transfer to LSA if it didn’t work out, but I just settled. I didn’t go on the journey of ‘what do I want to become.’ I just stayed with what others said I was good at, and now I’m done with art school, and I feel that I am not a good enough artist to continue in the field. My Professors tell me I am good at writing. So I write.

My sister R. disagrees with me, but writing is something that flows in my genes. My siblings T., A., and R. are all praised as wonderful writers, and somewhere along the way I was praised. I am told I have a unique voice… that is certainly true, but that doesn’t make me good… yet. I would need to work on it a little more.

Peanut Butter

1) I love green tea. (I bought some Matcha a while back. The real stuff not the Tazo liquid mix that gets used at Seattle’s Best, and Starbucks).

2) I like to be up in the morning and if I had control over my sleeping habits I would get up at 6 a.m. everyday. So I could have some tea, and relax before the day gets started. I discovered this due to sleep problems. When you can sleep from 11 pm to 7 pm, you can see how beautiful, and quiet the morning is. Oh, and btw (by the way) in this case it was actual sleep (not just laying there unable to get up), plus my sister had to wake me up. This was on, oh Friday.

3) I love my ficus bonsai, and have no idea what is wrong with it. Light, water, Miracle Grow. Only a very little Miracle Grow.

4) I love Grape Juice and chocolate.

5) I miss being able to play games like the Sims 2.

6) I like Panda Express (Orange chicken only). I used to work at one, but there was this horrible extra manager (who was helping with the start up of the whole store). He was so mean that he got in trouble. Us counter employees (about two at the time) soon started talking about how much he made us want to leave. One woman who had been in law school before she got a divorce made me make up my mind. After working overtime and everything I decided to find a better job. The evil manager left, and the nice one stayed, but it was too late. Looks good on my application I am sure.

7) I spend too much money on coffee and such. Confound it all, I love it though.

8) Current favorite band? Queen!!! I feel practically sacrilegious when I go from reading about the Prophet to listening to Queen. Not that I have any issues the lead singer, but other people would find this combination… it is kind of like when I posted on an old blog…

“What did I do this weekend? Did I party up until 5? Did I go skinny-dipping? Did I rob a bank? No, what I did was much better. I quilted while listening to Queen. Yes, I knew how to push the limits; I can fell conservative quilters all over the world gasping. My quilt is slowly coming along, but I need more binding. I think a deep red will complement it well. I want, I want, I want to break free. Really I am so sick of college right now. I want to go and just sleep in the grass, and listen to the birds. You know cats know how to live. Hey Boy where’d you get it from. Defying the laws of gravity. I’m burning though the sky. I’m gonna make a supersonic man out of you. Hmmm… what would my grandma think of quilting and Queen. Do you think she would appreciate a good beat? Creative subliminal lyrics… My quilt is not even close to my grandma’s quilts, or my mothers. I have better fabrics, that I dyed myself, but I have no skill at the actual sawing part of it. Give me. Body language. I really should be working on my photo project right now. I have about 300 photos, which I have edited down to 92. I think that they are a good 92 photos, but I need to find out a good way to present them. I don’t want to make them into a book. I kind of to project them onto a backdrop of newspaper to see what it would look like. I’ve got a case of body language. I would have to figure out a way that it fits into the thrift theme, but I think that I would look great. I’ll survive. I’ll survive. I’ll survive. Open up your mind, and let me step inside. All you have to do is fall in love. Play the game. Come on everyone sing with me. Play the game.”

I remember when I was really young I told a friend that Freddie Mercury… “Queen was gay and he died of it.” I really didn’t mean it the way I said it, but she told me, “That’s horrible, people don’t die of being gay. He died of AIDS. There was another point much later that upset her. A teacher said, “If you think about it, don’t people who die of AIDS deserve it?” Oh shet.

My friend didn’t say anything, but she started a tally of all the grammar mistakes he made in class. I wonder what all my classmates thought of it. I was shy and didn’t ask around. I don’t even remember what I thought about it.

When I told her that the Catholic Church was upset with Ginger Spice for promoting the use of condoms in Africa she was equally upset.

What equation am I trying to draw here? I am not going to go into the Catholic Church’s explanation of why using condoms, or for that matter why acting on having homosexuality is wrong. Lets just say, they say, that sex is supposed to be about having children. If children cannot be a possible result (if God should will it) then having sex is wrong. I think that if God really wanted there to be a child, he could get through a piece of plastic.

Yet, why? Why does sex have to be about children? Don’t give be the Bible talk. Did people use condoms in biblical times? So why point to the Bible. WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING GAY! If you point to the Bible one might think, that there is something wrong with being a woman. Do you say woman cannot have sex because of Eve? Then why does Sodom and Gomorrah say that homosexuality is wrong? If you read it you will find that the men of Sodom and Gomorrah were rapists, maybe that is what incurs Gods wraith.

Another thing. Eve and Adam sinned equally. Eve did not force Adam to eat the apple. Four hands, one sin. Oh. I’ve had enough with caring about Biblical issues. You have learned to bind God with his words. The day will come when someone will cast light on the scriptures, and it will not be the end of the world. No, I don’t mean me. I’ve had enough.

9) I think I’ve said enough to stop the post now.