A post for last week

Dear Sir or Madame,

I had an interesting dream last night. I went into class and asked the Professor if he would just give me some information on a class I missed. He blow up at me asking, “WHAT WHERE YOU MANIC. Why are you using your illness as an excuse?” I started to cry and said; “You don’t understand my illness puts me at a disadvantage. My medication makes me so tired. All I’m asking for is a little help.” The Professor just keeps on yelling at me.

In another dream my Roommate was leaving because of how messy the apartment was. (My apartment is clean.) “I did my chore this week (the kitchen and living room get cleaned every week).”

When you sleep as much as I do, sleep infringes on your waking world. You will be doing something that suddenly reminds you of a dream you have had in the last few days, and dreams will build upon other dreams.

I feel kind of sick. I just had some cold oatmeal, because I think the Microwavable kind has a horrible texture once it is Microwaved. I don’t get it because you can Microwave the normal kind (I’m talking about the big round containers of oatmeal.) Personally I think the only difference is that the Microwavable kind is the cheaper kind of oatmeal. I’m guessing that the Microwavable kind is the stuff that is left over when all the bigger oats have been filtered out.

I am feeling much better now. Taking a pain killer on top of my medication is a real energy drag. Suddenly I pictured owning a restaurant, it must be the music I am listening to. Yes, I can listen to song with lyrics and write, but I cannot concentrate on reading and listen. I guess it is that I have never stopped to train myself. I used to use music to trigger my imagination. Yes, I had a dream world. I miss it. I had a dream about it a few weeks ago, and it all came rushing back, so I have not forgotten.

Or maybe I can write and listen to music with lyrics because my writing voice is so much stronger then my reading voice. I want to train myself to multi task, even if one’s mind can only really focus on one thing at a time (yeah right). I suddenly had an idea. It is because talking and listening are connected either by experience of talking to people or in the brain so a person has little trouble doing both. Reading is a different part of the brain, or our experiences (this is a guess).

I just pictured another dream where I was trying and trying to talk in a group of people, but I couldn’t get a word in no matter how hard I tried. I got so frustrated that I would talk over other people, but no one would listen.

I have many, many flavored waters at my apartment. I bought them before my roommate got a water filter. You see I somehow didn’t like the tap water (thought it was wonderful at the last apartment I was in), and did like the idea of spending money on plain bottled water, so I got bottled water with a flavoring. I also used tea to fix up the tap water, and ice seemed to help a little.

I have a horrible test to be studying for ba-hum-bug. I do not like the idea of tests. I do not like them at all. My sister is coming in so I have a lot of work I should be doing to have extra time for her, but if you can put something off why not?

--- Ok --- I’m back.
I was with my sisters. When I think of studying a horrible feel crawls up over me. I want to crawl up. I slide down the back of my lazy boy chair. I try to drown the feeling out with music. I didn’t have this problem before I was medicated. When I faced tests by studying late into the night. Something has made me more sensitive, where I now shatter under pressure. Yet I continue.

That original fear of going back to college after having a long depression made me cry at night. I wanted to switch into another class (this happens a lot with me), and in one email told a Professor all the reasons why I needed to be in her class, that I needed to do artwork about having Bipolar disorder. She took me to see an adviser who told me that 17 (or maybe 18) credits and a ten-hour job was crazy for anyone let alone anyone recovering from depression.

Hi again!!!!
It is another day.
I am up, but the weather is not. Please tell it to be a little warmer towards its guests. I had three Truffles today! Oh, and I cannot get into my Amazon account because I lost my wallet and called to have everything canceled (just in case). So I will forever have my crazy wish list up. So if anyone wants to get me a ring worth more then my collage tuition, or a 17 inch Macbook Pro. Feel free. ;) I went off and had another Truffle. I am like a bottomless pit when it comes to sweets, or of about anything. It is my medication, Zyprexa, the weight loss pills might keep me from feeling hungry, but I have noticed that I will eat until the plate is empty. I have a mid-term tomorrow, and I have to pick up medication today. No putting it off.