Monday magic monday! Yay

Originally uploaded by RedTea

Dear Sir or Madame,
There might just me a million things I could say to you. In that way I am rich, rich to be able to write to you. Who would I write to if I didn’t have you? I have come to the conclusion that I am very Emo even if I don’t intend to be. I became Emo the moment I developed Bipolar Disorder. In High School I contently was reminded of the Goth community because of a friend, and now all I need to do is dress up and listen to music and I am part of a community. It would be nice to not be alone; even if I am part of a support group everyone there is so unlike me. A plus would be that I get to dress up. It would be like Halloween everyday, everyday and every moment.

I think back to my High School years. Sigh. How corrupt I became. All those lunches listening to friends talk about sex, and then Sex in the City. It wasn’t the only thing that was talked about, I also heard about how hard it was to find a Goth boyfriend and such and such. As for today for a while Zoloft took away my sex drive. I didn’t mind, being raised Roman Catholic I kind of liked it. My sex drive has slowly come back, but I do not pay attention to it anymore.

What really has my goose goosed is the amount I am able to sleep. Saturday I got up in good time because I had something to do, but I got tired around 9pm so I went to sleep. I slept through my sisters phone calls without waking up, and I didn’t wake up until 1pm. Wonderful isn’t it? Not only that but I got tired early in the day, and was glad when bedtime came around. My sister thinks I am abusing my schedule, but she doesn’t realize that unless I have something pressing to do that cannot wait to later in the day, I latterly cannot get up.

I have been having sleeping problems for a long time now. Do you think that a person should be able to sleep… I think it is 16 hours without waking up? Do you see what is wrong here? Do you understand that I didn’t used to have this problem to this extreme? Did I? Hopeless. I give up. I will just continue to sleep ungodly hours. I am turning into a Koala. Do you think it is the medication or is it another problem popping up?

I give up. I give up. I give up. That is the tune I am singing this morning. I walked into class with a horrible, “I don’t want to be doing this anymore,” feeling.

Faygo Grape Soda, sugar to elevate my mood. It works momentarily then fades back to misty sleepiness. I would survive if I had the money. I would contact my Doctor with my problem as I am going to do anyways. I am sure there is a medication out there somewhere for my problem. There are medications to help you sleep, there must be medications to keep you from sleeping too much, but I think it is more then that. I think that all the medication I’m on is tiring out my poor body. The weekend is my time to recover from the week. So what do I do? I have no choice, but to take the medication, and I am sure that the other medications are worse. Which medication do you think is tiring me out? How is it that I am able to get up and function during the day without being tired? Well, usually there have been a few times when I have crawled up in my lazy boy chair and fallen asleep. That is it! I know something is wrong and I need to have it checked out. I slept twice the normal amount needed. Lets see I slept from 9-10-11-12-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-1. Each dash is an hour. I am overcome. I would like to be able to work, but all my extra time is going toward sleep.

DEPRESSED. Who could sleep so long and not be? I finally will name this feeling that has been defeating me for so long, tiredness and depression. I’m not so sure if Zoloft is really working. I don’t want to kill myself anymore, but is that the Zoloft or just time? Second to second my mood changes just a little, but today as a whole has been a low one. I am hungry now. Need food. Need caffeine to bring me out of this downer. While I was in a Support Group when I said that caffeine made me happy it was explained to me that studies have shown when a person is on an antidepressant a stimulant raises the mood.
Sincerely,
Namir