The Art of Patience

Bonsai
Originally uploaded by RedTea

I am starting my meditation though writing early today. My stomach is empty, and telling me that I should have eaten more last night. My nails are falling apart. They keep on cracking. I had to clip them down to almost nothing. It is a strange world without having long nails. I try to use them to pull about two pieces of paper and they are not there to help. I miss them. I bought a new computer battery yesterday, just thought you would like to know. I cleaned the kitchen as well.

Tonight. Tonight I finally go to the Bonsai auction. I wonder if the IP instructors will understand how much patience it takes to do this art piece. Whether it be Bonsai trees or medication (and even meditation) they grow slowly. I am not skilled enough on a potters wheel to produce what I would dream of. Knowing this I am limiting myself to simple clay pots, and am wondering if I should cross out the clay altogether and make something new. I need to brainstorm what plants can go in other then pots. I know that tastefully clay pots just look better then store bought pots. So I will have to pull my clay skills together and create unless I can think of something else.

I am back. I just completed looking at craigslist for a table I can display my artwork on in the Gallery. I also found a curtain for my studio. Now that I think about it I hope that the curtain has been sold. I can be a bit of an implosive buyer. If I buy it I will have to put it up… that means I will have to spend money on a rod as well.

So far the Dogwood and Juniper seeds have come in. The Dogwood seeds do not need to be wintered (some seeds need a cold period to grow), but the Juniper does. The Juniper is soaking in water right now. Out of the ten seeds how many do you think will grow? My sister recommends I only do ten seed for of each kind of tree I have. I think that this is because over time I will better learn how to germinate trees from seed.

Tomorrow I go to the Sweetland Writing Center for a workshop on the story you have not seen. I already turned in a raw copy to my IP professor and am waiting patiently (again with the patience) for a response. I just finished my Mountain Dew, yah for things that destroy your teeth. Sometimes I fill like I am doing nothing towards my IP, but I am writing, and will continue to write until I have formed a pathway between my fingers and my brain. Or at least that is the idea. I want to write. I want to express. I want this writing to be a major part of my artwork. I want to salvage as much of my idea about the website as possible. I am doing this for your benefit, because despite what my sister says about even sugars impacting my brain, my thoughts are impacted by the medication.

My sister asks why then do I not do artwork on sugars, but everyone has experienced the effects of sugars. I have experienced the effects mind-altering medication firsthand. I was more social while on Geodon and started looking for a boyfriend. On Abilify…Abilify is a wonderful medication that works for many people…On Abilify I became more paranoid and started thinking of killing myself. I do acknowledge that there are other mind-altering things besides medication, like a word very similar to it, meditation.

There are those that recommend meditation as another aid in fighting Bipolar disorder. I examined it in a book on Yoga at the bookstore once...well my sister did. I was drinking a jasmine green tea; I had two sisters with me. One was looking through the book on Yoga and the other Tai Chi. They talked about things they were reading in the books, like the importance remembering how you ran as a child. I was probably flipping through a magazine complaining about how the tea didn’t taste like I wanted it too. (My likes in tea have expanded since then.) I didn’t have the pressures of IP on me at that time. It was a distant mountain the size of a fly. Now it is a whale and it is on top of me.

I have a brother that spends a lot of time coaching Frisbee, working, and doing whatever it is he does. When he is not doing this you can find him at the bookstore reading DC comics. Often when I call him up to ask to do something I end up reading anime.

Lately I have been greatly tempted by the coffee shops in the area. Espresso Royal has a deal where you get 50% off one kind of drink everyday in September. I walk in check to see if it is a Polar Cap (the Frappuccino like drink of that coffee shop) and if it is not I leave. I have this system down perfectly. The barista knows not to bother to walk to the cash resister when I show up unless I stay there.

Did I tell you exactly how incurably happy I am that the Bonsai auction is today. I have asked my sister to return the camera she borrowed and me tempted to bring a video camera, but I think that is a little extreme. Yes I will be missing the support group, but for the art of Bonsai some things must be sacrificed.

Dancing up the silver curtains.
Their shear mass held up by a single black bar.
I swing from the bar, two invisible stings holding up seat.
My hair stands up on my pale arms; clay is plastered on my pants.
I look tonight for the twisted tree.
Sliding like a snake through the air it will unveil its fall colors soon.
On a cold cement deck it will breathe in as I blow on its leaves.
I touch its leaves. I test its soil, still moist.
How long will I keep you?
I saw a Master tree on sell today.
Its owner, sad to part, needed the money.
Tonight I buy a tree.
No, no Master tree for me.

See my hopeless attempt at a poem. I am waiting for an instructor to come around for me to ask a question to and then I can go to the Clay studio. Patience.