Quick update

Originally uploaded by RedTea

My computer, my poor computer in the repair shop. I could lose everything. I haven’t been able to back up in a long time because the computer would not let me back it up. My post for today. The narrative I wrote. The paper I spent five hours writing. All of these are hanging just barely there, depending on chance. My poor computer has served me well. It is not a problem with the hardware, but the operating system. We think that is what it is at least. I will be forced to work in the clay studio this wonderful day. I am wearing a tan, hot pink, red and purple sweater. My phone is in front of me. It will be keeping my time now that my computer is gone. I am writing on a computer at the school, but it is not the same. My watch then my computer, and if my other post doesn’t die, you will know of all the other thing that have been going wrong. There is one good thing. Sprouts!

A Journey Failed

so feel free to use them
Originally uploaded by RedTea

I rushed over to class only to arrive early enough to spend a good amount of time talking to you. I am not feeling creative, but I worked with clay today on the potter’s wheel, I cleaned my face and arms up, but my clothes look like they are covered in dirt. My sister didn’t like the look of my shoes so much the other day that she took them off the rug that is meant to hold shoes to keep the carpet clean and put them on the deck. This made me very, very mad, but I said nothing. She said it was because she was the one who cleans the rug, but now that I think about it, it gives her no excuse to be so rude. Shoes are very personal things kicking ones shoes out is not nice.

I think I have bored you enough with personal matters. I am very worried about my plants, and feel that I need to set up a grow light soon because time is running out. The problem is I have no car, and everyone is busy. I should a thought of doing it over the weekend, but I was still holding out for getting into the greenhouse. I might have to pay my way into a greenhouse. It’s horrible. I look at their little leaves and they are ever slightly more yellow, some are fine, but I don’t know for how long. I am a failure at my gardening.

I went on a journey to find Project Grow and was told to go to the bus stop at intersection of Barton and Plymouth. I had this picture in my head of it being by the bus stop so I did not look up exactly where. I got there. Did not see a big garden. Walked to Northside School asked directions and was instructed to go to some Science Center down Plymouth. So I walk down Plymouth until I hit a shopping area right next to where I used to live. I stopped and waited at a bus stop just to ask the driver for future information. I was going to walk back to the art school. It would have taken about 25 min with the amount of stuff I had on my back. Before I knew it the bus doors closed behind me, and the bus was off. I decided that I would take this time and do work in a coffee shop.

What in the world am I doing? Frustration builds up inside me, but this time not due to stress. This time I am questioning the work I do for the University. I guess I will have to get used to it. This music here in this coffee shop I cannot stand it. I am going to move to Starbucks.

Yes, I wrote in Starbucks for a long time. Not to you, but an assignment. I know I keep on waving assignments under your nose, but you will get your bite sooner or later.

A post written yesterday

These are old postcards
Originally uploaded by RedTea

My trees are beginning to need a grow light more everyday. They are all not Bonsai yet. The Bonsai look fine, but they are stronger so it would take longer for the effects to show on them.

I have to confess. That stress is not my strongpoint. All this college stuff this year is building up a horrible feeling inside of me. Bipolar disorder is often coupled with an anxiety disorder. I do not want more medication, and my stress isn’t that the extreme.

After I am 25 I will be off my parents insurance. It is a blessing that I was on it when all those hospital stays added up. Once I discovered that I was going to be in the hospital a second time I felt horrible, all that money that was going to be spent on me, again. I wonder where I would be without my parent insurance. I wouldn’t be able to pay for medication, and I would have huge medical bills. I would be poorer than I am now. No Bonsai for me. No art. No college. Everything would have been ripped away from me. A comforting thought.

I have about three more min until I am free to have lunch, a small one.

For lunch I had one of those bottles of Starbucks fraps. I have concluded that there are enough calories in coffee drinks for those to equal a lunch.

The sun is down. I have a Tazo Matcha green tea beside me (don’t tell my doctor) and I’ve had a little Sushi, a little Mac and Cheese and a peach. A well rounded dinner, right? My back is resting in my Lazy Boy Chair. It is complaining about the weight of my backpack, and asking why a carry so much everywhere. Even my purse alone is heavy. It is a relief at night to come home and take off my bookbag (hear it slid off my back down my arm and then a muffed contact with the ground). Next is my purse, which goes over my head and is plopped quickly into my chair. Sigh.

I am shifting in my chair trying to find an angle that is comfortable, but I am losing this challenge.

I took a shower and I am feeling much better now. I did a sound recording for another video to put up on this site, but it saved incorrectly so I have to record it over again. Sorry.

Ok, Namir lets think. Plants. Should I grow other kinds of plants then Bonsai or would it cheapen the project? What other plants could I grow? Something that grows faster, but still has to do with medication. I was once thinking of doing herbs…need grow lights. I need to look into it.

Matcha

There will be many high quality sells tonight
Originally uploaded by RedTea

In front of me is the Shaman Drum Bookshop. I picked up an application to work there once. Someone just walked past the window with a major camera. Old fashioned (non-digital) with a huge zoom lens. I wonder what he needs a zoom lens for in Ann Arbor. You are disappointed that this is an everyday post and not a video, aren’t you. My brain. My poor brain still feels funny. Emotions clear. Thoughts clear. Everything seems peaceful. The only thing that interrupts this inter calm is this feeling. When I am busy doing things it doesn’t matter. I forget about it. I’ve spent so much money the last few days. I paid the Comcast and DTE Energy Bill. Ouch. I’m not going to think about it. If I had stayed in the Dorms I wonder what my life would be like now.

I cannot seem to focus. Just talked to my Mom on AIM. I can see the light beginning to decrease. It is 15 min until seven. It is 15 min to seven. It is after eight. The light is gone. I am in my room typing by the light of an Ikea lamp. I think I will check craigslist. The Internet is slow at my apartment. Who would have thought that I would grow up to have an apple laptop, Internet in my home, an apartment with roommates, and Matcha Green tea? I plan on getting Oregon Chai to go with it. That way I will never need to go to a coffee shop. I will have one at home. We have an Espresso Machine, but I forget what temperature to heat the milk to, and how much milk to use.

You see I used to get this craving to go to Starbucks and get a Green Tea Frappuccino, but those days are over because I discovered that the secret mixture they use isn’t so secret. Matcha it’s called, and Tazo has a tasty mix of it, but I am looking into trying some of the high quality stuff without the other ‘special’ ingredients Tazo has added. So I went to eBay and looked it up, and then I did the ultimate thing I do to keep myself from buying anything. I go to Amazon, find the most expensive over the top version of it, and put it in my wishlist. So now I have 5lb of Organic Grade 1 Matcha on the top of my Tea Dreams wishlist.

I am not so sure that this is the most over the top version of it. In fact I know that aged ‘vintage’ teas cost a lot as well. I never knew how expensive teas could be before I looked them up on Amazon over this summer. I guess my sister briefly mentioned it in her old Tea Blog, but it didn’t register. There are so many expensive things out there. For someone who shops at Thrift stores and has only brought about one thing in the mall all year (not counting Starbucks) I look at all these things with wide eyes. It helps me put into perspective how far I am from just wasting money when I buy a coffee drink, or food downtown. This is something that I am trying to stop doing.

I always tell myself that at least I am not wasting money on clothes, drugs, or alcohol. These are good things. In theory these choices should keep me drinking warm coffee, and cool Matcha. Who knows, someday maybe I will be able to get the expensive Matcha.

You’re right. It is silly to start with five pounds of something you don’t even know if you like. I will search for a smaller first try. There I found it one oz. Maybe I can talk someone into splitting the price with me. Three cups each. Adventure!

Another day another narrative

What do you think of this one?

Hello again

Fig inside for the winter
Originally uploaded by RedTea

Wow, so much has happened since I last posted. I went to the Bonsai Auction and won some beautiful Bonsai at wonderful prices. Some more seeds come in. A few auctions for seeds ended. Auctions that I won. Things are beginning to get moving. I can feel it. I’ve been cooking a lot, and I’ve eaten out a lot. I missed going to mass with my sister. I missed the trip that the whole senior class went on. I don’t care. I applied for a grant today (now yesterday). That is why my post is so short. I normally would have been getting my fingers moving a lot quicker by now. I am a slow typist. I like to take my time and think things through. I am generally slower at a lot of things then most people. Not that I am stupid. I think my system just is a few beats back from everyone else so time moves differently for me. I need to get my motivation going. I think that getting grants will get me going. I will have something to work for. I will have something to prove again. I don’t care to prove things to the art school anymore. I have done that for three years now.

I have found my footing. I have found something I can do. I am no longer lost fumbling along in this IP project. I am creating. What am I saying? I have no idea what I am doing. I think I need more Mountain Dew to clear my head, Mountain Dew and a lunch. I have 30 min more. Do you think I can make it? I am so very, very… I don’t even know what. My creativity has been flashed out of me. All I want is to go to Espresso Royal and forget about my worries. I could write a couple scripts for narratives and then send them out. Send them out to myself.

I am afraid that my post today is going to have to be very dull. I think I will check craigslist. Check and done. It is the next day now. I am waiting for English class to start. I have written a paper to be critiqued and I hope everyone enjoys reading it. After it is critiqued and I have polished it up I will post it for all to read. Are you excited? You get to read something I actually completed writing. Though it is more of a beginning then an end. I will speak no more of it for now.

I spent a lot of money at Espresso Royale today. I didn’t get to seat down and enjoy my Vanilla Bean Polar Cap though. I just thought of something I need to do. Note to self: Remember to send rough draft to Prof after picking it up and rewriting parts of it. I also plan on working on clay tonight, but that might need to wait until tomorrow. For the first time in a long time I stopped to look at myself typing. My hands move so strangely like they know what they are doing. I was taught to never look at the keyboard only the screen, but I am missing out on so much. I cannot wait to send off the copy of my paper to my Professor. I cannot wait. I am sending my paper out now. There it is sent. Now I will read. No I don’t feel like reading. I should have stick with the potter’s wheel. I got my pants all dirty.

I slept through my alarm this morning for a long time. It just didn’t register in my brain that there was music. I will have to switch to the buzzer tomorrow. I have no choice. My roommate is going to hate me, but I have to wake up.

A little something I cooked up today