Cats meow

That ugly little side effect that can mean such horrible things has popped back up again. Along with another one that I don’t know if I should be worried about. Oh, woe is me.

I cannot help but be happy today, it is almost as if someone has given me a happy pill…wait I guess I am on three of those. I wonder why I still feel so down most of the time? I cannot say I am depressed, just blue, but today… today I woke up to the wonderful sound of rain with little sprinkles somehow blown through my open window. Today, I decided to sleep in because I didn’t want to Babysat all day, and it worked my Mom did the Babysitting until she decided it was time for her to lie in bed. I know I should have gotten up, but I really, really didn’t want to. Today as I just stated, I was hit with two side effects, and I am still going strong. Today. Today. Today is a wonderful day. Days like this don’t fall out of the sky. The window is open, I can hear the birds and bugs and other outside sounds. I hear my father watching baseball and my mother watching some sort of other T.V. I hear the cars gently moving over the wet ground, a slick silvery sound.

Today I felt like I was going to get up and go to Detroit, then I reminded myself that no that was last semester, it has been months since then, but something just felt as good as I did near the end of my time going to Detroit during last Winter/Spring Semester. I was as on top of my game, ready to jump on any challenge, and pull my load like a packhorse. Even my dreams have started to go back to college issues. I have been going to classes I have already passed and rolling them around in my mind.

College has been my strength. It is the challenge that I have to prove. If it were not for college I would have gone off my medication long ago just to see what it was like, but college has given me something to lose. I don’t want to get a game over sign. When I seat down to play a game I will spend hours finding every single angle before making my way to the end. This is what made Morrorwind such a horrible game (I loved it) for me to play, so many angles so little time.

Sigh. The life I left behind me when I went to college; the life of entertainment, and comfort filled with just enough challenge to keep me happy, but so very very empty. The fear of college life at my door making me panic and pray to God for another path, but on I went off to college. How much I had yet to discover. That was before I knew what it was like to be really psychotic.